Your post makes me sad, but hey, such is life. I too have had my struggles thinking that maybe I don't "fit in" with the no alcohol ever crowd. I hope that you continue your soul searching because you just might find that it is not so much that you desire to be "normal" - you are just desperately trying to find a way to keep alcohol in your life. Why? Is it that important? Is it worth risking the gains/positives you have seen this past month?
I wish you the best, I truly do. Maybe you can beat the odds and just have enough alcohol in your life to make you feel normal without any negative consequences. If you figure out that formula, share it with the rest of us!