runner... I'm giving you a big hug right now first and foremost
HUG!!!
I read your heartbreaking story and most of the responses that ensued... and it makes me so sad that this thing keeps happening over and over and over again to so many good people.
You are new to all this chaos. It's really good you are posting your thoughts and feelings and have really good people to support you here. Mfox and your stories are similar to mine (same excuses, disappearance acts, ignoring, excuses etc and major stress and anxiety, fear etc. from me). It took me over 3 years to finally say "enough" and ask my AH to leave in November.
Unfortunately, my story doesn't have a happy ending for my AH.
He died of an accidental overdose 2 months ago today. However, my future is still ahead of me... and I'm hopeful for it to be much better. I am of course, still grieving for him and the stupid loss of what could have been a great loss... but there was absolutely NOTHING I could have done differently to prevent this outcome... nothing.
I was there to support him, to take him back in, to give in to his temper tantrums... all the meanwhile, I got very sick and now, I'm struggling with getting my health back on track. I am determined to do it though...
I just want you to know that you are not alone - not by a long shot. You will get to that point of no return in YOUR OWN TIME... no one elses, k? Especially, no one on this forum who mean well in their way to show you what not to do in order to avoid mistakes they made.
Life doesn't happen that way. We all each have our own path and destinies to fulfill and each of us make decisions and choices that will determine where our lives will go. If we give our addicted loved ones this respect, so should we to others who are going through what we have in the past (or currently are experiencing).
Just keep posting... keep reading whatever you can... go to meetings... stay connected to the sane side of live and realize that your fiance is very sick but he needs to do the work and the effort to get himself healthy again. If you try to 'help' him find his way, you may end up getting extremely ill yourself in the process (like others have said above).
Sending more hugs your way