From "somewhere in here"
"My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor
will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone
with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, are my needs and how
to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I
say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for
someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and
since I don't love myself, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by alcohol that I could be
considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't
faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, break the promises I
make to you, cheat on you or steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop
drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.