WOW! This has been an awesome forum with valuable input from all. Stu--sorry for your loss & appreciate your honesty. I hear what your saying. I for one, know I can not return to alcohol...yeah, I got the craving mechanism for sure. But I also am realizing, that stopping drinking won't cure ALL of me. I often feel I was better off when I was drinking as I could run from all the crap I face lately. Been sober 19 months...in those 19 months, I was in rehab, jail, my son & daughter both got DUI's, dad had 2 heart attacks & a stroke...I lost my license for 10 years and the hits just keep on coming. But I stopped drinking because that drink was involved with all my legal & family problems...I still go to 4 sometimes 5 meetings a week because I want to fix myself and reclaim joy that was once a part of my life--fixing myself has become a harder job than stopping drinking so far. But I know I can't fix myself if I am drinking, so I will stay stopped...because alcohol was a taker for me...I wish you well Stu...and we're always here for you...