I remember that same feeling. My answer to navigating (like Titanic would know!) through this is Al-Anon meetings for YOU as soon as possible. Try different groups and at least six meetings. The literature is great. Pick up free pamphlets. Get the books How Al-Anon Works, One Day at a Time and Courage to Change. Start working a program for YOU and YOUR recovery. The disease infects those closest to the A.
What he has to do for his recovery is to get his mind to arrest and unhook from the alcohol. What you have to do for YOUR recovery is to arrest and unhook from your obsession over controlling and monitoring him. That's codependency. He has had his hands wrapped around the bottle, and you have had your hands wrapped around him with it.
You have to learn to keep your mind off his meetings, his recovery and what he does during his recovery activities. His mind, NOT YOURS, has to be on it. His recovery is NOT YOUR JOB, otherwise it's not recovery. Your job is YOUR recovery from the effects of this family/relationship disease on your behavior, the resulting codependency.
What you have to do is to keep your mind on your side of the street, and to let him worry about his side. You want him to stop drinking and go do something better, right? Isn't that what you want from him? It's kind of the same thing for you.
"Stop and go" onto your side of the street. "I wonder if he's really at a meeting tonight or if he's drinking, trying to get drugs or some substitute instead? STOP Sb1!! That's going onto his side of the street. GO onto mine, Sb1. GO back to my side. GO, back to my TV show or an engrossing, interesting or important activity. Nagging worry is still coming up, damn it. STOP. Remember, I can't control the future or his side of the street. Accept it. I CAN control my Now and myself though. GO, I CAN call my sponsor. GO, I CAN pick up that Al-Anon book on my end table and I can read a page from the index list on 'Detachment' or 'Boundaries' or the Slogan 'Let Go.' GO, I CAN reach out to someone on SR or a friend who is a newbie or having some issue. GO, I CAN do the next right thing, anything."
In other words, STOP the obsessive, codependent, alcoholically diseased thought; and GO substitute it with an immediate "clean" command and corresponding positive behavior right away on your side of the street. If he's really working his program, it'll be obvious from his actions. Let him alone to either recover or crash. You stay on your side of the guardrail (your boundaries).
Get to an Al-Anon meeting. Read the codependency threads (search) and stickies on this Forum and the F&FSA one next door.
Don't worry, be happy.
