Acceptance is tough. Something I've read on this forum may help in that regard.
You keep saying you are not ready to leave. But, I haven't once heard you say you are *choosing* to stay. That is what you are doing, you know. Maybe if you start telling yourself you are choosing to stay, rather than telling yourself you are not ready to leave, it will be easier to accept.
You know what you've got, you know who he is, how he behaves, how he treats you. Yet, you are choosing to stay. So, don't you think being angry at him about it is just a little unfair? It is your choice, after all.
L