affguy

I'm trying to really quit drinking but my lifestyle I suppose influences it very easily. I am drinking at least a 750ml bottle of vodka a night and don't get hung over. This has been going on for months at this level... sometimes I drink more than that. I've been blacking out and completely forgetting things lately, such as waking up on my kitchen floor.

I think my main problem is my "job"... I work for myself doing online marketing, so I have no "clients" to talk to, no office to goto or a set schedule. I just chill in a coffee shop and work on my websites. This leads me to get easily bored and start drinking hours after I wake up. I usually start drinking while in the coffee shop from a bottle of water that I replaced with vodka. I never go anywhere without this bottle of water. I feel though that I deserve to drink since I work hard for this lifestyle to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to answer to anyone but myself.

I've been getting back into working out and hiking, but now... I do those activities drunk and it's much more fun and relaxing.

I've been trying hard to reduce and I'm down to about a half a bottle a night. Sometimes I make late night liquor store runs (after I'm already drunk) just for the security of knowing I will always have enough vodka on hand. (Don't worry I don't drive -- I have no car since there's ample subways here)

The withdrawal is another excuse I'm giving myself that it's okay to "reduce" my intake down to zero, rather than go cold turkey. I'm terribly shaking, throwing up, not eating.... until I drink again. Even a protein shake is hard for me to enjoy.

Help!