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Trying hard to quit but too easily influenced by my lifestyle



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Trying hard to quit but too easily influenced by my lifestyle

Old 10-04-2012, 03:58 PM
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Trying hard to quit but too easily influenced by my lifestyle

I'm trying to really quit drinking but my lifestyle I suppose influences it very easily. I am drinking at least a 750ml bottle of vodka a night and don't get hung over. This has been going on for months at this level... sometimes I drink more than that. I've been blacking out and completely forgetting things lately, such as waking up on my kitchen floor.

I think my main problem is my "job"... I work for myself doing online marketing, so I have no "clients" to talk to, no office to goto or a set schedule. I just chill in a coffee shop and work on my websites. This leads me to get easily bored and start drinking hours after I wake up. I usually start drinking while in the coffee shop from a bottle of water that I replaced with vodka. I never go anywhere without this bottle of water. I feel though that I deserve to drink since I work hard for this lifestyle to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to answer to anyone but myself.

I've been getting back into working out and hiking, but now... I do those activities drunk and it's much more fun and relaxing.

I've been trying hard to reduce and I'm down to about a half a bottle a night. Sometimes I make late night liquor store runs (after I'm already drunk) just for the security of knowing I will always have enough vodka on hand. (Don't worry I don't drive -- I have no car since there's ample subways here)

The withdrawal is another excuse I'm giving myself that it's okay to "reduce" my intake down to zero, rather than go cold turkey. I'm terribly shaking, throwing up, not eating.... until I drink again. Even a protein shake is hard for me to enjoy.

Help!
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:05 PM
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Hi affguy

I used to work from home too....while working nights as a professional musician...so drinking was a major part of my life too.

I did everything with a drink by the end too. Soon I needed the drink to make the experience - any experience 'worthwhile'.

Trouble was the drinking became more important than anything else - I lost my music career first, then my home based one because I was simply more interested in drinking than doing a good job.

Thats not a road you want to go down.

You'll find a lot of support here tho - and ideas for more support elsewhere if you'r open to that idea.

We can turn our lives around

It's quite a strain on our system though when we stop or even cut back, so I really recommend you see a Dr. rather than dabbling in tapering.

Best to be safe

D
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:10 PM
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I want to goto a doctor but have no insurance and I really don't make a ton of money. I am thinking of going to the hospital tonight because I'm really shaking and scared. Will they admit me for this?
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:14 PM
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I'm not American but I've heard/read of others here who've done just that affguy - others will be better able to help you there

there are other options too:

There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?

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best wishes affguy - let us know how you get on
D
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Old 10-04-2012, 05:14 PM
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You should go to the hospital... my shaking was so bad I couldn't do anything. I checked into detox for 3 days. You don't want to mess around with this...when you are shaking it is time to get help.
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Old 10-04-2012, 05:17 PM
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Thanks for all the info... I started calling doctors and they all said I must goto a center. I called hospitals but I can't afford the $1,000+ a day they want. The guy recommended going to the ER for medication so I will be going shortly because I don't want to start drinking again tonight.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:21 PM
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Best of luck affguy, glad you're going to the ER.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:32 PM
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The Salvation Army offers free short term de tox centers in many areas. They have been dealing with drinkers who want to quit for years.

Welcome to our recovery community...
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Old 10-05-2012, 01:24 AM
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I went to the ER. They gave me a benzo for the night. My blood work and intime showed signs of possible liver damage.

In the end I left with a prescription for librium and the knowledge that my life is back being mine.

Thanks to everyone who posted in my thread.... Without the support and pushing of doctor, it'd be another drunken night for me.

Thanks so much!
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Old 10-05-2012, 02:28 AM
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I'm glad you got help, but don't let it end there. Is this the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning? It's up to you, Affguy.

Best of luck to you. Remember, SR is always here for you.
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Old 10-05-2012, 03:06 AM
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There is a long road ahead for us when we finally decide to have no more of this garbage that all alcoholics do, the secrecy and lying. This is a challenge like no other with so much at stake.

Drinking out of boredom was a trap I fell into too, and I realize that there was nothing more boring than me. Drink all day, think about drinking all day, pass out somewhere, regain consciousness, throw up and try to get that first drink down without losing all of it. Rinse and repeat. Now that is boring.

There may be only one chance for you to succeed, and you will do well if you understand it like that. The reward for you is a new life, a new way of living, free of the anxiety and depression, the shame and guilt. There really is no alternative, as you seem to appreciate now.

You are not responsible to anyone but yourself in this lifestyle you have, and it seems that you are selling yourself short. You have made a courageous beginning, affguy, and I believe that you will most definitely succeed at getting and staying sober.

You can do this, and you may do this, too, because the ability lies within you. Keep posting here because there is a lot of support for you.
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Old 10-05-2012, 03:19 PM
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Today was great waking up feeling refreshed and hungry. I had some withdrawal symptoms when I woke up but the Librium got rid of them for a while. I'm about to take my second dose in a few minutes. Since I am not allowed to drink because I don't want to vomit from the Librium, I feel now is the time to start getting engaged in my old and new activities. Then when I no longer have the Librium stopping me from drinking, I will have reajusted my schedule and lifestyle so that I don't need to fill a boredom or time void.
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