Originally Posted by Gabe
The best offense being a good defense, I tried this one too. And it worked for the most part. It gave my kids a stable, happy home to grow up in. However, it didn't erase the baggage I was still carrying around from my own dysfunctional childhood. That stuff only got put down when I decided I was more than tired of lugging it around.
Morning Glory "We've kept it a secret for much too long"
Sometimes I have to read things here over and over before I really hear what is being said to me.
Gabe, I did think that on some level that the best offense is a good defense. I wonder how I managed to be so cool and caculating in reveiwing my past. Somehow at a very young age I was able to look at it objectively and say, Ok I know what NOT to do.
I honestly felt that the past should not be denied it was also best not overly inspected. I said, this was not ok and I walked away. There were good times also and somehow I 'made' them my past reality. Does that make me an imposter? I don't know.
Perhaps I did deal with the past effectively, but I kept the past a secret. I never talked about it, never. I walked out of my parents home and was married three weeks after I turned 21. Between that time and since coming to SR I have never spoken of the 'things that were not ok'.
I even had trouble sliding over into this forum. I am not an angry person, in fact sometimes I have trouble finding my anger even when it should be justified. Yet, just speaking here, identifying myself someone who grew up in a home with active addiction at first made me angry, really angry. I don't know where it all came from.
Perhaps it makes me angry because I decided long ago not to be a 'victim' of my past, my past had no right to color my future, I could determine my future alllllll byyyyyy myyyyyy self.
Perhaps all I need to do is 'spill' my secrets.
I suspect I'm rambling, thinking out loud. I'm still trapped in my own head a bit.
Hugs
Sigh