Meso. I had to quit trying to do it MY way and begin to try the RIGHT way.
My very best thinking was what brought me to the driveway of the Recovery Home with a gun to my head.
I had to begin to follow the winners... the sober, sane, serene oldtimers.. and to do what they had done.
I had to begin to do the worst, God awfullest, hardest and most frustrating thing I had ever attempted. I had to change my thinking.
AA has helped me in the task (a task that is never done but becomes more do-able). I could never have done it alone.
All the best.
Bob R