Well, believe it or not - up until I met Ed, I NEVER dated anyone who drank (needless to say, the dating pool was very shallow) -- at the first sign that someone drank, I was gone. My ex husband was an ACoA but not a drinker. However, he learned his behaviours from his A father and was classified as a "dry drunk" by our therapist.
I met Ed after I made a decision to lighten up a bit (after being lectured by a friend about how I'd never find anyone who met my lofty standards). He SAID he didn't drink but it wasn't long before I noticed that he would have a beer or two in the evenings.... OK, a beer or two isn't bad but what I DIDN'T see were the 4 or 5 (or 6) that he had before I got there. It took him moving 2000 miles away, six months into our relationship, for me to realize he had a problem. That didn't happen until I visited him there and actually saw him on a 24/7 basis... that's when I realized that he was probably in his "happy place" by the time I'd get to his house (when he lived here).
It's been pretty much down hill from there. We've been "together" (if you can call it that with 2000 miles between us) for 19 mos. I was supposed to move out to where he is, this past June but I said I wouldn't do that if he didn't quit and get help - needless to say, he didn't quit and I didn't move.
Long story short:
The past ten months have been a series of broken promises, coverups, irrational arguments -- me telling him I can't be with him if he's drinking, him denying he has a problem, trying to cut a deal, saying he quit, followed by the inevitable irrational, drunken argument... confrontation, etc etc etc etc etc
This has happened several times and I've broken up with him twice in the past... each time I'd let him sweet talk me and charm me into believing that it'd be different... he got better at hiding the drinking (I've finally gotten to where I can usually tell over the phone), changed his calling pattern (no more late night calls), etc. This time, I broke up with him not because of a drunken argument, but because he made a promise to me (and I KNOW he was stone cold sober when he made it because he was here and there is no alcohol in my house) and he broke it. I'm tired of the disappointment. Tired of the stress... tired of the BS