Originally Posted by Cadence57
Hi Diana,
Thanks - I don't think I've ever been an enabler as far as my A is concerned... if anything, he "doesn't drink" around me but, none the less, his drinking still has a detrimental effect on our relationship and I have reached the point where I can no longer tolorate it... He doesn't understand that "not drinking" doesn't solve the problem - the problems lie in the broken promises, the lies, manipulations, cover ups, etc etc etc. Honesty is, without a doubt, one of the MOST important things to me when it comes to my relationships with others and he's shown me (time and time and time again) that he's not honest and he can not be trusted.... if there's no trust in the relationship then there is nothing.
Cadence, you don't understand. You're enabling him just by being there. It's not that he doesn't understand, he doesn't care! His relationship with you takes a back seat to his relationship with alcohol. The only person you need to learn to trust is yourself and that you can save yourself a whole lot of emotional pain by cutting him loose until/unless he gets sober.