Sigh, you have amazing insight. Yet the struggle to let go of feeling responsible remains. I understand the feelings you have and I think I would feel much the same way. That doesn't make it right, mind you, it just means we have a bit more recovery work to do.
I'm struggling with the loss of a marriage and feeling responsible and unworthy, even though I know my husband can not be expected to act in a responsible and healthy way until he finds recovery. To escape reality he has found another woman to enable and rescue him, who refuses to give up on him, in spite of the huge amount of baggage he's trying to avoid. To hear the details of their relationship is eerie. He has managed to recreate the relationship he and I had five years ago. He is stuck in an addict/codie relationship cycle that will continue until he's ready to face his demons and get real help. There's no room for me in that cycle. I choose to get off the merry-go-round, since neither one of them can.
I have all this insight, yet it still hurts and part of me still feels unworthy of being loved. Why is that?