His anger isn't your problem anymore, but it'll take time. I know there were nights where I had to watch dippy old movies or get a book off amazon...basically anything to distract me so I wouldn't contact XAH. It does slowly get easier and now I don't wonder what he's doing and if he comes to see the kids and he's in a bad mood I'm finally starting to not care. Anyway...it sounds like you are going through a really rough patch and it's OK. I wonder what people think of me, no husband, two small children, I'm sure they wonder...but that's their problem not yours. You just need to find places that are a good fit for you and the kids. If you can focus on what you have done, what you have accomplished, what you are proud of. I promise it gets better...it's just slow going sometimes. It's been a year for me and I've found that making decisions and sticking with them really is easier without my XAH around and I've slowly gained more and more confidence with each decision. You'll get there, just give yourself time and give yourself a break about somethings, like it's ok if all the boxes aren't unpacked.