Finding Erica,
I can really relate to all that you are saying....the knowing that you want to be away but then these odd feelings of missing contact on some level.
I left my husband 18 months ago and I still feel that pull periodically. I agree with the statement "sit with the discomfort". I realize that the pull is a combination of things - past history, drama seeking, loneliness, still hanging on to some crazy hope that things could maybe be better.....
It really helps to have somewhere to come and speak our truth - and know that we aren't alone. This is tough stuff that you are dealing with....you're doing great though. Sending you warm thoughts.