this process sucks so much. sorry if my language is foul, but it does. it plain sucks. i am not doing well with no contact and i engage with him when he starts things and we bicker and i wonder what i thought i was going to accomplish THIS time. i also feel like dollydo a lot of the time. i think it's sick that i continue to participate in the drama yet i can't seem to stop it completely. even when what i'm saying is calm and reasonable and it doesn't become an argument, it's frustrating. and i also feel relieved but annoyed when i don't hear anything... sometimes i think i understand myself less than i understand him.