For some of us I think, it was the absence of self esteem and self respect that led to alcoholism, not the other way around.
But you're right Cadence, once in the cycle, vicious describes it very well for some of us.
At what point will all that is good in you SEE and take responsibility for what this disease is doing and finally yell "STOP!!"
For me, again, it was the other way around. It's when I allowed myself to see what was good about me that I started climbing out of the pit. Not before then.
If I hadn't seen that, and somehow believed that I hadn't eaten away the good man I am rebuilding, I'd still be lying and abusing and blind to all and everything but my addiction and it's needs.
It was enough when I had enough.
An addict friend of mine is fond of saying... "I couldn't wait a day longer for recovery."
Clear as mud eh...
But that's how it was for me.