Old 09-27-2012, 04:06 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
zoso77
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
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Originally Posted by MrsDragon View Post
Last weekend when our son was visiting; he told us that he had decided to pass on the job offer he had been considering, and was going to take some time off work for a while. Then, he told us that he had decided to take a vacation to Mustique with a girlfriend. Later in the week, he called and asked if I wanted to babysit the girlfriend’s dog while they were gone. She is afraid to leave it with her friends; and he knows how much I like animals, so he thought I might actually enjoy the opportunity. This led to him and the girlfriend (another new one) to come by one night with the dog so we could meet, and I could decide. The dog is just the cutest little tiny thing; and I am happy to care for her while they are gone.

The girlfriend; she also seems very sweet; soft spoken, intelligent, well kept, well mannered, and I actually enjoyed talking with her. But after they left; I started feeling very sad. If the pattern holds with my son, this girl has no future with my son. She may even regret going on this trip; which she seems so thrilled about right now. So, I started thinking about her. Does she know that he uses drugs? Does she think she can change him? Is he hiding it from her? Does she use drugs too?

And then I thought of so many posts here from women who have put their hopes in a man who was using drugs, only to be hurt and disappointed.

I know it is not my fault; and there is nothing I can do because their relationship is none of my business. But I still feel sad reflecting on the women who post here; and how they entered their relationships with such hope, and love; only to end up writing here when they are in such pain.

I don’t really know the purpose of writing this; I guess I just wanted to express my regret that our son is on this selfish yet lonely path, and acknowledge that I know it sometimes ends up hurting the women who choose to be with him.
It's true. A lot of the women here have been badly hurt. But it's equally true that they've gained a lot of insight about themselves, and I would bet their boundaries and what they think is acceptable behavior have changed for the better. Out of pain comes growth.

As far as your son goes, sit back and watch the fireworks. My mentor a long time ago taught me that when you're young, the most important thing is getting laid in the backseat of your car. But when you get older and wiser, you have to know how to drive that same car. Addicts are great at the backseat; getting laid's the easy part because it's self-seeking at its purest. But when the time comes to grow up, to make responsible decisions within the context of a relationship -- i.e. drive the car -- they're not equipped to do it.

Hope you're well,
ZoSo
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