I used to be afraid to stop drinking cause I didn't know what I'd do without it... well the answer is that I can do anything I want and do it better sober.
And waking up with no regrets and no death wish is worth the effort it took to get sober.
I hope you can get the help you need, from wherever, to stop drinking for good. As has been said, this is a progressive illness and things will only get worse. How low do you want to go before you give it up?