"Who drinks in the mornings? I would never do that!" is what I used to say
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: PA
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"Who drinks in the mornings? I would never do that!" is what I used to say
My story...
I'm a 26 year old woman. I'm still an alcoholic and have not sought recovery. I didn't think I needed to, until recently.
My mother is a severe depressed alcoholic, and my dad pretty much takes care of her. He won't let her drive because she drives drunk, he wants to leave her but knows she will have nothing and eventually just kill herself. I live with them because I can't afford to move out, and it's hell. I'm not saying it's the cause of my own drinking problem, but it's a huge trigger. My dad drinks too, although not to an alcoholic extent.
I started drinking when I was about 19, socially. One thing I realized though when I drank is that I couldn't stop. I had to get drunk. It wasn't every day, and only at night. As the years went on though, things progressively slid downhill. I wanted to drink more. I lived with an ex for awhile this past year, and that's when things nosedived. I didn't have my parents around, and my ex partied a lot, and I drank a lot. I started earlier in the day, and started blacking out more. My friends started slipping away, mostly because they were sober and had kids and I didn't want to hang out sober. Relationships now are becoming impossible because even if the other person drinks a lot too, my insecurities come out and I start fights when I'm really drunk.
Hence, I usually like to drink alone. And be alone. I don't eat much, I'm not hungry much. I crave beer in the mornings, and get shakes and high anxiety when I don't drink. My personality has changed, my memory is shot, my brain is constantly in a fog.
I don't get along with my mom, but I am a hypocrite because I am becoming just like her. My mom always said "it's the disease" and I always said "you choose that drink" but now I understand. Being drunk becomes a heck of a lot better than being sober and facing reality. Everything becomes an excuse to drink.
I have a bachelor's degree and work full time. I am also prescribed a benzo, which is probably the reason I still have a job as my anxiety when I'm not drinking is through the roof.
So when I'm working I take klonopin during the day and drink at night. When I'm not working, I am pretty much drinking all day. I am at a standstill. I can't afford to take off work for rehab, and I honestly don't know how to stop. The withdrawals are pretty bad.
I needed to vent to get this off my chest. I'm glad I found this site. Any advice is appreciated.
I'm a 26 year old woman. I'm still an alcoholic and have not sought recovery. I didn't think I needed to, until recently.
My mother is a severe depressed alcoholic, and my dad pretty much takes care of her. He won't let her drive because she drives drunk, he wants to leave her but knows she will have nothing and eventually just kill herself. I live with them because I can't afford to move out, and it's hell. I'm not saying it's the cause of my own drinking problem, but it's a huge trigger. My dad drinks too, although not to an alcoholic extent.
I started drinking when I was about 19, socially. One thing I realized though when I drank is that I couldn't stop. I had to get drunk. It wasn't every day, and only at night. As the years went on though, things progressively slid downhill. I wanted to drink more. I lived with an ex for awhile this past year, and that's when things nosedived. I didn't have my parents around, and my ex partied a lot, and I drank a lot. I started earlier in the day, and started blacking out more. My friends started slipping away, mostly because they were sober and had kids and I didn't want to hang out sober. Relationships now are becoming impossible because even if the other person drinks a lot too, my insecurities come out and I start fights when I'm really drunk.
Hence, I usually like to drink alone. And be alone. I don't eat much, I'm not hungry much. I crave beer in the mornings, and get shakes and high anxiety when I don't drink. My personality has changed, my memory is shot, my brain is constantly in a fog.
I don't get along with my mom, but I am a hypocrite because I am becoming just like her. My mom always said "it's the disease" and I always said "you choose that drink" but now I understand. Being drunk becomes a heck of a lot better than being sober and facing reality. Everything becomes an excuse to drink.
I have a bachelor's degree and work full time. I am also prescribed a benzo, which is probably the reason I still have a job as my anxiety when I'm not drinking is through the roof.
So when I'm working I take klonopin during the day and drink at night. When I'm not working, I am pretty much drinking all day. I am at a standstill. I can't afford to take off work for rehab, and I honestly don't know how to stop. The withdrawals are pretty bad.
I needed to vent to get this off my chest. I'm glad I found this site. Any advice is appreciated.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
others with more experience to help will be along shortly. welcome to SR.
you are fortunate to discover you need real HELP now instead of 10 years down the road. you can get your life back and you cannot *afford* ton not get help because you may lose everything, job included.
my first suggestion is to make an appointment with your primary doctor and let them advise you to stop and how. outpatient detoxing can be done but you need supervision (and perhaps a week off from work minimum, if you don't want anyone to know use vacation time). You are taking benzos during the day an drinking at night, no wonder you are in a FOG!
age and weight and drugs you are taking figure into the picture, but most important do you WANT to stop this and start living your life? a real life, with friends, future and perhaps down the road a relationship that doesn't revolve around drugs and booze and partying?
very smart that you realize this at 26, not 46, cos it slips down so quickly. glad you are here! its much better than out there.
you are fortunate to discover you need real HELP now instead of 10 years down the road. you can get your life back and you cannot *afford* ton not get help because you may lose everything, job included.
my first suggestion is to make an appointment with your primary doctor and let them advise you to stop and how. outpatient detoxing can be done but you need supervision (and perhaps a week off from work minimum, if you don't want anyone to know use vacation time). You are taking benzos during the day an drinking at night, no wonder you are in a FOG!
age and weight and drugs you are taking figure into the picture, but most important do you WANT to stop this and start living your life? a real life, with friends, future and perhaps down the road a relationship that doesn't revolve around drugs and booze and partying?
very smart that you realize this at 26, not 46, cos it slips down so quickly. glad you are here! its much better than out there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Middletown, Ohio
Posts: 44
I'm a night time drinker. I can't even bring myself to drink in the afternoons. It's kinda funny cause I like to golf. All my friends call me a light weight puss cause I wont drink with them lol. Kinda funny in a way considering I likely drink more then any of them.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Fandy 
others with more experience to help will be along shortly. welcome to SR.
you are fortunate to discover you need real HELP now instead of 10 years down the road. you can get your life back and you cannot *afford* ton not get help because you may lose everything, job included.
my first suggestion is to make an appointment with your primary doctor and let them advise you to stop and how. outpatient detoxing can be done but you need supervision (and perhaps a week off from work minimum, if you don't want anyone to know use vacation time). You are taking benzos during the day an drinking at night, no wonder you are in a FOG!
age and weight and drugs you are taking figure into the picture, but most important do you WANT to stop this and start living your life? a real life, with friends, future and perhaps down the road a relationship that doesn't revolve around drugs and booze and partying?
very smart that you realize this at 26, not 46, cos it slips down so quickly. glad you are here! its much better than out there.
you are fortunate to discover you need real HELP now instead of 10 years down the road. you can get your life back and you cannot *afford* ton not get help because you may lose everything, job included.
my first suggestion is to make an appointment with your primary doctor and let them advise you to stop and how. outpatient detoxing can be done but you need supervision (and perhaps a week off from work minimum, if you don't want anyone to know use vacation time). You are taking benzos during the day an drinking at night, no wonder you are in a FOG!
age and weight and drugs you are taking figure into the picture, but most important do you WANT to stop this and start living your life? a real life, with friends, future and perhaps down the road a relationship that doesn't revolve around drugs and booze and partying?
very smart that you realize this at 26, not 46, cos it slips down so quickly. glad you are here! its much better than out there.
I know as an alcoholic that once I'm sober and my my co-workers will go to a bar after work (as we do sometimes) I will want to go for a drink... but I also heard recovering alcoholics can't have even 1 drink. I understand why. But it will be a complete lifestyle change for me, and I don't know if I'm mentally ready for it.
It's like I'm in a relationship with alcohol and it's an abusive one that I need to get out of it but that I miss it's comfort. I know I will.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please take time to read this link....blackouts are explained as well
as other information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I took that info...re connected to God ...dedicated myself to living
the AA lifestyle.....and have not had another drink....
welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...
as other information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I took that info...re connected to God ...dedicated myself to living
the AA lifestyle.....and have not had another drink....
welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Welcome to the site! I can relate to the vicious morning benzos, evening booze, blackout cycle. I never drank before work because "only an alcoholic would do that!" Instead id snort a couple of kolonopins and wait to drink my booze in the car on the way home like a civilized human being.
Finally enough was enough and I joined AA. I. Have been sober and loving life for 4+ years now. Millions have recovered from alcoholism through AA. Maybe you can consider attending an AA mtg? Or read the first couple chapters of the Big Book at Alcoholics Anonymous :.* that is the text for AA. If you can relate to what's in there then AA is probably a good option. Others here can probably share experience about other recovery methods as well.
Above all I would recommend including your Doctor in your plan of recovery. Alcohol withdrawal is very dangerous.
*Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Finally enough was enough and I joined AA. I. Have been sober and loving life for 4+ years now. Millions have recovered from alcoholism through AA. Maybe you can consider attending an AA mtg? Or read the first couple chapters of the Big Book at Alcoholics Anonymous :.* that is the text for AA. If you can relate to what's in there then AA is probably a good option. Others here can probably share experience about other recovery methods as well.
Above all I would recommend including your Doctor in your plan of recovery. Alcohol withdrawal is very dangerous.
*Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Last edited by Dee74; 09-27-2012 at 04:44 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Middletown, Ohio
Posts: 44
On a side note, you should be very careful taking Klonopins then drinking alcohol. The combo can be deadly. Klonopins have a very very long half life. There's likely still quite a bit in your system when you start drinking in the evening. Until you get your drinking under control maybe your doc can give you something with a shorter half-life like Xanax.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
The point is, you are in a relationship with alcohol, its a very selfish one. Booze will steal everything from you, your friends, BF, career, fun and happiness with life itself. you are a young woman, you want to be vibrant and HAPPY and you absolutely DESERVE to be, you want a long, happy life and you want to look 26, not 36.
as vain as it sounds, your physical appearance and wallet will really benefit from being sober, not to mention your physcological outlook. less depression, more natural energy. less puffy red, face, better eyesight (cos you are not dehydrated), less bloating, etc.
look around the website at all the options and programs that some people use to stop. AA is not your only option to stop, there are a lot of different ways. But the best thing is that you WANT to stop and feel better, that is a BIG first step. you GET IT. (a good thing).
as vain as it sounds, your physical appearance and wallet will really benefit from being sober, not to mention your physcological outlook. less depression, more natural energy. less puffy red, face, better eyesight (cos you are not dehydrated), less bloating, etc.
look around the website at all the options and programs that some people use to stop. AA is not your only option to stop, there are a lot of different ways. But the best thing is that you WANT to stop and feel better, that is a BIG first step. you GET IT. (a good thing).
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I used to be afraid to stop drinking cause I didn't know what I'd do without it... well the answer is that I can do anything I want and do it better sober.
And waking up with no regrets and no death wish is worth the effort it took to get sober.
I hope you can get the help you need, from wherever, to stop drinking for good. As has been said, this is a progressive illness and things will only get worse. How low do you want to go before you give it up?
And waking up with no regrets and no death wish is worth the effort it took to get sober.I hope you can get the help you need, from wherever, to stop drinking for good. As has been said, this is a progressive illness and things will only get worse. How low do you want to go before you give it up?
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I use to love to drinking in the morning. Until I had to drink in the morning. I would go this depressing bar that opened at 7AM. Most people drinking at 7AM are not "happy". I feel as if that bar enabled me though because they would let me drink for free until noon if I mopped & stocked the coolers. Anyways, the klonopin is probably the reason you have maintained your job. It helps the alcohol withdrawal & the anxiety. My advise is to do a professional detox as your situation in complex mixing booze & benzos.
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
I am also 26 years old. I did a lot of similar things. Please stop why you are ahead. My father was an alcholic and you thought that would have stopped me, but it didn't. There is so much you can do without alcohol. I still go to bars with my friends in small doses. When It gets late and everyone is getting tipsy, it's my time to leave. You just have to be 100% committed to quitting, because if you aren't you'll end up right back where you were. You can do this. Alcohol is not what it seems! It just gets worse and worse.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
Hi Smalltowngirl.
I'd really take the advice of taking time off work for a week's rehab if you can. I stopped drinking six months ago at the age of 41... really wish I'd done it years ago. It can be a bit weird at first if you're used to living your life through drink, but it does get better.
I honestly enjoy my life much better without drink. My father was an alcoholic and my mum had a lot of issues, me and my siblings brought ourselves up... and I think I drunk because I couldn't face reality, so I think I recognise a bit of what you mean there. Unfortunately I found that booze eventually becomes an big barrier between you and reality and you can no longer deal with real life. I was putting down booze, seeing real life, then drinking.
But if you put it down for long enough then you can start to deal with real life, and get tools/help to get you out of it.
I go to AA for support, but I also use a lot of online boards, have lots of interests (that don't include bars) and I read a lot of recovery literature. (I like a book called The Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes... he doesn't go for 12 step programs but talks about drinking as a way of regaining control against helplessness.. one that ultimately doesn't work).
But I also go to AA and am starting the steps.. so I mix and match my recovery... just find something that works for you and stick at it. It really is worth it as in a few months you'll be so pleased .
[EDIT] I meant to add, I look at people in their 20s posting on here and I really wish I had the insight back then to think of doing something about it, good luck.
I'd really take the advice of taking time off work for a week's rehab if you can. I stopped drinking six months ago at the age of 41... really wish I'd done it years ago. It can be a bit weird at first if you're used to living your life through drink, but it does get better.
I honestly enjoy my life much better without drink. My father was an alcoholic and my mum had a lot of issues, me and my siblings brought ourselves up... and I think I drunk because I couldn't face reality, so I think I recognise a bit of what you mean there. Unfortunately I found that booze eventually becomes an big barrier between you and reality and you can no longer deal with real life. I was putting down booze, seeing real life, then drinking.
But if you put it down for long enough then you can start to deal with real life, and get tools/help to get you out of it.
I go to AA for support, but I also use a lot of online boards, have lots of interests (that don't include bars) and I read a lot of recovery literature. (I like a book called The Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes... he doesn't go for 12 step programs but talks about drinking as a way of regaining control against helplessness.. one that ultimately doesn't work).
But I also go to AA and am starting the steps.. so I mix and match my recovery... just find something that works for you and stick at it. It really is worth it as in a few months you'll be so pleased .
[EDIT] I meant to add, I look at people in their 20s posting on here and I really wish I had the insight back then to think of doing something about it, good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I was the same, smalltown. I had certain things I'd 'never' do. Like drink in the morning (I ended up drinking all day, every day). I'd never drive drunk (got 3 dui's). I'd never go to work drunk (did it many times, & took my stash with me).
Alcohol completely ruled my world in the end - I didn't make a move without it. I couldn't, or I'd shake and get sick. It was a living hell. Thankfully, you are realizing this now - and you won't go into your 50's being totally dependent on it like I did. I'm glad you are here, and ready to leave that old, sick life behind. Congratulations on your decision - we are all behind you.
Alcohol completely ruled my world in the end - I didn't make a move without it. I couldn't, or I'd shake and get sick. It was a living hell. Thankfully, you are realizing this now - and you won't go into your 50's being totally dependent on it like I did. I'm glad you are here, and ready to leave that old, sick life behind. Congratulations on your decision - we are all behind you.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I wish you the best, STG.
I don't know if "controlling" the love of drink is possible, or it's just that dogma says otherwise, or what. I'm still in a place of thinking "controlling" drinking can be possible for some people, but I'm far from sure that I'm right.
I'm pretty sure if you decide "I REALLY don't want to drink, ever, ever again" that's possible.
Seems like a lot of people have to hit some sort of rock bottom to really come to that, tho.
Actually, that's overly simplistic, because some people can become out of control, and then move back into control for decades. And some people think they still have control when they really, really don't.
Alcohol is a doublesided demon.
I don't know if "controlling" the love of drink is possible, or it's just that dogma says otherwise, or what. I'm still in a place of thinking "controlling" drinking can be possible for some people, but I'm far from sure that I'm right.
I'm pretty sure if you decide "I REALLY don't want to drink, ever, ever again" that's possible.
Seems like a lot of people have to hit some sort of rock bottom to really come to that, tho.
Actually, that's overly simplistic, because some people can become out of control, and then move back into control for decades. And some people think they still have control when they really, really don't.
Alcohol is a doublesided demon.
Galatians 5:13
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tampa Bay
Posts: 329
Fight for sober living. Educate yourself about alcholism as much as possible. Try to do this before your first drink one day. Learn about recovery and relapse prevention. There is a ton of free information and a lot of inexpensive books. Make a personalized recovery plan. Work the plan.
Also, Google AVRT and read about it. It is a 12-step alternative approach to sobriety. I use both a spiritual 12-step and AVRT. Life changing!
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Also, Google AVRT and read about it. It is a 12-step alternative approach to sobriety. I use both a spiritual 12-step and AVRT. Life changing!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by smalltowngirl
I take klonopin during the day and drink at night. When I'm not working, I am pretty much drinking all day. I am at a standstill. I can't afford to take off work for rehab, and I honestly don't know how to stop. The withdrawals are pretty bad.
I needed to vent to get this off my chest. I'm glad I found this site. Any advice is appreciated.
I went to a 90 day rehab in 1989 and I thought it was the end of the world. It ended up being the beginning.
Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I'll have a year of sobriety on Halloween and I just can't believe how much better everything is. Being an alcoholic seems to make a person do everything "half assed". It's all in the backseat when booze is driving. If you take time to get sober you might find that you deserve a promotion when you get back!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central Alabama
Posts: 13
I don't envy anyone in your shoes Small town Girl, Alcohol detox is rough for a couple of weeks, throw in being accustomed to taking klonopin on top of it and it is a dangerous detox. You do need to give it a shot, because both have cumulative effect on your nervous system and the longer you stay addicted, it just rougher. I know you have worried about what will happen if somehow you get stuck without any booze and klonopins for a couple of days. Your heart could have an attack or cause a stroke.
Taper down on the booze, and try taking breaking the klonopin in half, but don't stop either without getting help from a doctor, it could be disastrous.
You need to get medical help, and the longer you put it off is making it worse. Its a harmful combination.
Taper down on the booze, and try taking breaking the klonopin in half, but don't stop either without getting help from a doctor, it could be disastrous.
You need to get medical help, and the longer you put it off is making it worse. Its a harmful combination.
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