It is easy for a non alcohaulic to read something like this and think..."how, why" but I feel you. I swore off drinking after my wife found me across the street at 2:30 AM and I still didn't come home until 3:30am. I was so sure that I would never drink again. Well... Last night (only 3 nights later) I talked myself into it! Freeking stupid!!!! I wake up the next day and can't understand how I did it. The truth is in this quote from MIRecovery "The alcoholic views themselves through the eyes of their intentions while the world views the alcoholic through the eyes of their actions"
Only an alcohaulic knows what we battle on our mind.
This time I am getting a sponsor and making a commitment to one day at a time. I will work the 12 steps and pray I never drink again.
Hang in their! At least you are disappointed. That means you still want to be sober. PM if you need me my friend.