Knash,
I can totally relate to your story. I too was the "coolest" wife. It made me feel so good that he and all his (loser) friends thought I was so great. But now I am realizing that one of the problems was that I was so reliant on other peoples approval of me.
As mentioned above, I also recommend the book "Co-dependent No More" I just started reading it and I am already getting so much from it!
I also read a book called "A ghost in the Closet" by Dale Mitchel. He is a recovering alcoholic. The book really helped me to understand what it must be like to be an alcoholic. No excuses but insight.
I am learning slowly that my AH has to want to change and only he can make those changes. You are not responsible for him, only for you.
Sending lots of positive energy your way!
Living In Truth Now.