It was so real, so frightening, and so sad.
The dream had many dimensions, but waking up having drunk the night before was so real. I could tell I was in the guest bedroom. (The place I usually slept when I drank too much.) I woke when it was still very dark, my brain foggy. Where was I? I reached out to feel the night stand to confirm where I was... it was the guest bedroom night stand. Oh no. What did I do?
My mind scrambled to remember the night before - I couldn't even remember taking the first drink. Then the worst, my husband comes in and turns on the light. I stay silent. What does he know? His demeanor was eerie because I couldn't tell what he knew. Did he even know? Why in the hell am I in the guest room!? Maybe I lied last night and I had a very good reason for sleeping in here that didn't relate to getting drunk.
In my dream I wanted to reach out to my husband and apologize and tell him I have no idea why I drank. I was scared and so overwhelmingly sad. But, if he didn't know did I really need to confess - all those old emotions stirred in me like a terrible wind storm.
When I woke up - really woke up, IN MY OWN BED - the relief flooded over me, but it almost didn't seem real. I jolted up and touched everything - my pillow, the water next to my bed, I even stood and turned the closet light on - yes, my room and that was just a freakin' dream.
I lay there reflecting on the entire dream - the night that led to my drinking was part of my dream too. Events that could have really happened. The black out was the hardest part of my dream to relive. I could remember with such intensity my desire to remember the night before.
I am still analyzing that dream - I only awoke a little over an hour ago. It seems to be so telling on a few different levels.
I am just so very thankful I woke sober and free. I plan to journal about it in more detail later today.
