My XAH has been gone for 10 days. I haven't had any urges to contact him or go looking for him.
I have conversations with him in my head. Conversations where I get to say: "When you did XYZ I felt ABC" and he doesn't interrupt and yell at me. They are just fantasies. Those conversations will never happen.
I haven't shed a single tear, although sometimes my eyes feel like I have cried, when I haven't. Perhaps I am very, very f@cked up.
I know he tried to hook up with a brothel and multiple prostitutes on his second night out of our home. This fact disgusts me.
Do I even have any triggers? Maybe they will develop in the future. It all still feels rather unreal to me. I'm going though the motions of working and maintaining the house and feeding the kids and pretending to be normal.