rsk

Good Evening Everyone,
I am a little scared to post because it is my first time. I have just come to the point where I feel like I need some help and guidance. I am currently no longer with my ex who was a heroin addict. I guess I should give a little background on our relationship. We dated for over four years, just separated, and I thought I had finally met the man I was suppose to be with forever. I was hesitant to go into the relationship because four years ago I was content with being single but he was everything that I had wanted. No one of course is perfect but I did not care about the trivial things. Our relationship was beautiful up until a year and a half ago, he began to take pills which lead to heroin behind my back and it has been nothing but a roller coaster of unhealthiness for us both. I stood by him enduring all of the sadness,hurt,and disappointment for three rounds of rehab. I now know that I should have left the first time and that this was his recovery. I stood by him because I did honestly love him, don't believe on running when times get hard, and how he would always say that he had nothing to live for but me. I now see how manipulative and destructive it was. I learned all that I could about the disease but came up with no appreciation for my compssion for him.I work in the healthcare and I feel that my caring attitude towards all mankind has gotten me into trouble and turned into an unhealthy co-dependance. The last time in rehab prior to him leaving, he was devastated that our relationship was on the rocks (because I have had enough) and I felt that the only way it would survive was if he came out and was serious about recovery. He broke up with me while in rehab because "I deserved better" and he needed to focus on recovery. He was crying and did not want to break up but had to get "better." I did not argue the decision because above all, he needed to focus on his recovery. Well he got out of rehab and never had a word to say to me except for a text saying that he was a "no good" person and that I deserved nothing but the best for how good I was to him all these years. I let it go, wished him the best and began to heal. Come to find out, the whole no relationship thing was just an excuse and he is with someone else, and back living in a recovery house. Ironic as it is I confronted him and he did nothing but put me down and act as if I had no right to feel sadness, betrayal, pain. I just have never experienced him to be so nasty to me. Confronting him(text because he won"t answer ) has left a lasting impression of how mean he can be and it's weird because he is apparently clean. I have no intentions of ever having contact with him again but meanwhile I need to find a way to let the pain go. I guess I could start by reading Co-Dependent no more. I just am so confused to how a clean addict could be so deceitful, heartless, and still playing the blame game to a woman that tried her best to be nothing but supportive for so long. I obviously no longer know who this person is.Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this and for any wisdom that you can offer.