Wow, it's like you're in my head this morning. I am struggling with the same questions.
My A has been sober for 5 months now. We were together 3 years and the whole time he was kind of the typical A....lying, going MIA, always broke, missing work ect....but NEVER verbally or physically abusive.
Lastnight I was trying to talk to him, not about anything important, just chat, and it was like I wasn't even in the room. But this is typical. He does this quite often, if he's watching TV he can't hear me. But GOD FORBID if I ever do that to him.
So this morning I'm all over the place. For the first three years I made excuses as to why I wasn't getting what I want out of the relationship, he was an alcoholic and incapable of a truely intimate relationship. Then for the last 5 months I've excused it because he's working on sobriety, small steps I can't expect him to change all at once. The last two months he's been working 80 + hours a week, so obviously he doesn't have time to cater to me.
I work full time, have a teen and a sister in detox and a mother dying of cancer whom we live with to care for. Now that he's working non stop I've done EVERYTING, he basically works, eats, sleeps and poops. This weekend I picked up our new furniture and moved it into the house with the help of my bro, did everyones laundry, went to the bank for him, brought him lunch to the work site both days, got a list of his supplies from the store, brought his surround sound in from the garage to go with the new furniture, unpacked and washed all his winter clothes, chauffered my kid around, waited on my mother, and he couldn't even bother to freaking listen to me for 5 minutes, or at least fein interest and nod and grunt? WTF?
I was going to start my own thread this morning. But I didn't because I know what everyone here would say, it's what I would say to someone else. Only I know what is acceptable to me. I either accept what he has to offer me RIGHT NOW with no expectations, or I don't. Sounds easy huh?