I've been thinking about this and noticed the same topic is posted on the recovering A forum. Thought I'd put it out there.
I find my triggers for wanting to call the xabf or go looking for him or whatever other obsessive actions I may take, all seem to come when I'm feeling either tired, lonely, or something has happened where I need comfort.
They also arise when I start to feel the rest of the world is living happy, wonderful lives with their SO's and I'm still sitting here by myself. (probably with good reason!)
So, knowing this, I need to make me an action plan on what I'm going to do when any of these trigger moments come my way.
My first thought is that my HP has a plan for me. It may not fit the timeline I have in mind. When I am ready, my HP will put the person in my path that I need to be with. If I'm not ready and try to attempt a R before that, I may end up right back where I was. So, I have to remember that when I am feeling lonely.
I have to remember I have great friends, here and IRL. They will support me and be there when I need encouragement or hugs. Virtual or real
When I'm tired and start to feel lousy and think about him or us, I have to make a conscious effort to know that's all it is. Cry if I need to, give in to the wave of feelings and then let it go. No actions are necessary. They are there because I'm having a weak moment. If I was in a stronger moment they wouldn't affect me and I know that.
Most important, he was never really a comfort for me that I needed anyways. All he did was hold me. I had to imagine a loving touch, soothing words and comfort in my own mind. He could never meet my needs, which made me cling to those few moments with him even more.
My other trigger is seeing him with other women. I know I need to prepare myself somehow with this one. This is the one I'm most afraid of. It's much easier when there is NC. I hope that will strengthen me on my own, but if any of the other trigger points are in play, then when this one comes along it's trouble. So, I definitely know I need to work on finding comfort within myself and others so I don't ever think I need him again.