Thanks, everyone. I really, really, deeply appreciate your kinds words. Who knew this forum would be the support system it is for me? I didn't. I'm so grateful for this community today.
I'm already future-tripping about money, and I'm trying not to go there. It's hard. Things have been tight for so long, and his income was just enough to break even. All the household expenses are so pared down that I'm going to have to give up eating or something to make ends meet. I spoke to my mom last night and she offered to help sell the house and move us home. That would be... undesirable.
I'm feeling pretty distanced from everything today. I didn't sleep well last night, but I got up with the kids and we got everywhere we needed to be on time and in one piece. The parents on both sides are in hyper-reaction mode and sending me texts and emails gently encouraging me to take him back because he's so sorry and didn't mean it.
The problem -- and this is always the problem -- is that he is minimizing his drinking, the effects of his drinking, and the lengths he goes to to hide his drinking. The parents are eating it up because they want to believe the sincerity of his apologies and the fantasy that alcoholism can be "cured," and they are hooked right in with his promises about his recovery plan. But this recovery plan is the same one he had when he got out of three rehabs last year. He still really has yet to make or follow one at all -- but he *does* talk a good game and amp up the *appearance* of active recovery when everyone's eyes are on him. He's holding on to the "two airplane bottles" story and I think he's the only one that believes it.
It's really sad to see. Regrettable. He's a wickedly smart person who will do well in life if he ever gets a grip on this. But to the point, he's not there yet. He's still pretending.
I really don't want to wait for him to figure it out, always preparing for the other shoe to drop. I'm trying not to make any rash decisions right now. The thing guiding me the last couple of months was the power of patience and waiting for the truth to reveal itself. It did, and I was ready for it. Now I need to keep this up and just do the next right thing. Whatever that is.