fenway, yer only gonna attract someone as sick as yerself and until you make getting sober the most important thing in yer life, nothig else is gonna matter. i think if you look at where you are now, you will see that is happening.
how i got the help was to go to an AA meeeting. when it was my time to share, which i didnt hav to, i said," im tom. im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore." its all i could say and i broke down. i didnt have to say any more. the ones there that went before me knew.
i highly suggeststart goin to AA and open up. it is free and the help is tremendous. i knew that my thinkin got me where i was so my thinkin wasnt gonna help anymore. dont compare the drinkin thing. listen for the thinkin thing, get phone numbers, call people in recovery, get a big book, get a sponsor, and work the steps. give it T.I.M.E. and you will get weller. it works if ya work it so work it yer worth it!
alcohol is but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
IMO, dump the boyfriend and get a better higher power, one that will help you with your problems.