I can't do this anymore
I am typing this on my phone because my computer crapped out so try and bear with any crazy auto corrects
I'm trying to keep it all together but i just can't do it anymore. I got involved with an addict who was just arrested for the umpteenth time in his life and 2nd time since April
It screwed up everything in my life. I lost friends my self respect my sanity. I did irreversible damage to my relationship with my family and I started lying to everyone including myself about how I felt about him and about who he was and even secretely started dating him after he was arrested for the first time while we were together
I've always used alcohol to cope as you all know but dealing with the stress of being with an addict brought it to a new level now that he is in jail it is worse than ever. But I've spent so much time lying to everyone about everything that no one knows how much I'm struggling
I'm trying to deal with his arrest and my alcoholism and being in graduate school in a city where I don't know anyone and feel completely isolated and alone and I just can't do it.
I am 24 but financially dependent on my parents because too much of a lose and a mess to take care of myself. They warned me not to get involved with my EXABF but I did it anyway and now here we are. They warned me that he would ruin my life
And they were right cos here I am with all the opportunity in the world and potential to actually do something with my life and I can't get though a damn day without drinking I can't find the motivation to get out of bed let alone what it takes to be in graduate school
But I don't know how to tell anyone in my life any of this I am at a point whee my depression and drinking is so bad I literally cannot function but I don't know how to ask for or get the help I need
I truly do not think i am emotionally capable of being in graduate school and part of me is afraid of what I might do if I continue to pretend everything is okay but I don't know how to tell my parents that I just can't do this that they've wasted thousands on a loser who just isn't capable of being half of the woman they want me to be how to tell them I've been lying for so long and I just can't do it anymore
Truth is I need some kind of program but am terrified of their reaction and have no idea how to express any of this to them