The addiction was just the straw that broke the camels back and intensified things already going on. I left because he is emotionally abusive and that didn't change. I wanted to leave before he got into the stuff, before he intensifies the drinking, before he started med seeking. It was in my head that I was unhappy, I just wasn't fully aware of what was abusive because I thought it was deserved, I just knew I felt bad. I was on my way back to him when he promised to quit. What stopped me was a phone call the night before I went and got my own place. We were chatting about our plans when all his bitterness and blame shifting started up again. When he had me all pliable and my guard down, he started up blame shifting and bitterly complaining with that familiar undertone of anger. I knew then if I moved our household out to him in TX, he would have me and after the initial honeymoon period, I was in for more, maybe even worse anger, manipulation, verbal abuse...etc. I knew then I was done. The weird thing is I fully believe he is clean, even though he is still being a bitter, angry manipulator. The drugs were only a side effect, not a cause; though they did cause some dangerous behavior too. Don't get me wrong, he can be a great guy and we had good times too, but high or not I can't live who he is. He may one day do all the Internal work or he may relapse; I personally have had enough and believe I deserve better. That is why I left, for me and my kids, not to "punish" him for using drugs.