when NOT to run?
I think that there is so much ingrained in our culture that tells us to stay that the "RUN" part is the rarity...and maybe that is why you find it here on SR. By the time most of us find our way here to an anonymous board filled with people who are suffering in their relationships to addicts...by the time we find our way here we are in trouble.
So much in our culture tells us to stay. Dealing with addiction is like dealing with the opposite of what so much tells us outside of addiction. We are taught...in so many ways...that LOVE HEALS ALL, that loyalty is a virtue, that vows are sacred, that partnership is for life, that a true love will conquer all obstacles, that we CAN help.
Addiction does not play by the rules. Addiction includes OUR addiction. We have a hard time letting go, even when our "love" is destroying us, our lives, and the lives of our children. It is such a painful process of withdrawal and letting go...we are so filled with fear of losing love...that hearing "RUN" is horrible. Often we would rather stay in the illusory "non-addicted" world of loyalty, love-healing, and virtuous vows. A place that we are really NOT living!
It is hard to hear that our OWN addiction is killing us...and often Contributing to the addiction of the addict. WE are in denial.
Whether we decide to stay or RUN...taking the space, taking some distance, gaining some perspective...is VITAL. Often the only way that we can get some space, some distance, some perspective...is to RUN...even if it is only a sprint, a lap around the block, a two week jog.
We often need someone to tell us to RUN because so many other ideals, illusions, mistaken memories, hurt, loyalty, fears...tell us to stay. When we come here we are ready for the relief of finding others who understand the pain of this broken and manipulated twisted life of being addicted to an addict. We want, need, fear the word "RUN" but we are seeking truth and need help.
RUN helps us to gain perspective.
You can almost always go RUNNING back.