For me, at the end of the day, the person who I love needs to show back up. So far my son has battled for three years. i have seen glimpses of him. It is entirely up to him to choose his recovery. I pray for that day, but I also need him to be accountable to the lies, stealing and pain that has been brought upon our family. I am struggling today with how to love him with my heart but to detach from his current situation.
If he seeks recovery, pays for his crimes through whatever punishment the law indicates and shows his commitment to being sober, I will reconcile with him. My boundaries are that I will not live with someone who is in active addiction or who steals from their family.
That can be reconciled by him holding himself/being held accountable for his actions.