Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
Well, it's a recurring theme here on this board. New people come everyday amd tell their stories, and day after day they are stories of heartache, pain and destruction caused by yet another alcoholic who doesn't give a rat's ass how their attitudes and behavior affect others.
These are not generalizations we just pull out of thin air, they are behaviors, words, and actions we have all found in common.
Why does it bother you so much that people who are friends and family of alcoholics call them selfish? Or otherwise generalize about them?
I do feel sensitive to statements about "all alcoholics are selfish". B'c I have a problem with alcohol and I am not selfish. I feel that telling someone that they are selfish when they are possibly going thru a very self-depreciative period, could drag them further into the dogpile of self hatred that they've already put on themselves. Dunno, I just think it may not be so helpful to the person going thru it.
If telling yourself that so and so is behaving very selfishly will help you distance yourself or see things within that relationship more clearly, then it could be good to remind yourself of that. But telling a person who is already in trouble that they are selfish may backfire and take them further into self-loathing mode, causing their self-medicating mode to increase. My 2 pennies.
(edited to add)
I'm still reading a lot... but I have the idea that maybe informing the person of how much they are missing, carrying life on fully w/o them getting to be part of it, sharing solutions, etc. could be a more productive way of dealing with an excessive person. Those are the things that make me want to live clean and aware again.