Toxic relationships a pattern for me
I want to quit drinking for myself, but also in the hopes g/f and I can reconcile.. the problem is that she is an alcoholic and deeply in denial. I havent been living with her but have been going there on a fairly daily basis cause all my stuff is there and I go to see cat drop off cat food etc. She use to drink beer but now when I see her she is drinking vodka. She works at night and gets out at 3:30 AM. When I get to her @ 8 AM shes still up drinking. I never know if she is happy drunk or in angry drunk mode. Sat. we were supposed to go to a church yard sale I woke up early walked there only to find her smashed. I know we shouldnt be together but I am just as addicted to her as I am booze. I miss her we were almost always together. WE were both unemployed for awhile so we were together 24 7. then we worked together again 24 7. We both have jobs but I get out earlier so I would hang with her. I feel so lonely and bored. Im lost without her. My relationship with g/f is as toxic as booze is and I keep running back to both. Am I just crazy?
I dont really want to drink, but I dont know what to do with myself. I woke up very depressed, but roomie said we should hang but she got called into work. Then I was gonna walk on the beach or maybe take a bike ride to get some exercise, But of course it is now raining so I am just sitting here