Need to quit but don't want to
HI,
I've been trying to get sober since 2006. Been thru 3 outpatient programs and would really like to do a 30 day inpatient program but money and logistics just won't allow it. I got all the right meds from my doc today to quit: antabuse, naltrexone and a few xanax to get through the withdrawals - mainly anxiety for me. But, then I got home, fixed dinner, heard the kids arguing and opened a bottle of wine. Crap.
I know i am an alcoholic, but I want to still believe I can occassionally drink on trips or at celebratory moments. Does that mean I haven;t really accepted that I am alcoholic.? Been to AA, got a sponsor but just don't keep with it. I am afraid it will take a DUI or other stupid incident to make me stop and I really don't want that.
I guess I am really suprised at how hard this is and how much harder quitting is getting. The most days sober I have had is 69 total from April to June of this year. Any and all advice welcome.....
LEH22