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Need to quit but don't want to

Old 09-17-2012, 03:49 PM
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Need to quit but don't want to

HI,
I've been trying to get sober since 2006. Been thru 3 outpatient programs and would really like to do a 30 day inpatient program but money and logistics just won't allow it. I got all the right meds from my doc today to quit: antabuse, naltrexone and a few xanax to get through the withdrawals - mainly anxiety for me. But, then I got home, fixed dinner, heard the kids arguing and opened a bottle of wine. Crap.

I know i am an alcoholic, but I want to still believe I can occassionally drink on trips or at celebratory moments. Does that mean I haven;t really accepted that I am alcoholic.? Been to AA, got a sponsor but just don't keep with it. I am afraid it will take a DUI or other stupid incident to make me stop and I really don't want that.

I guess I am really suprised at how hard this is and how much harder quitting is getting. The most days sober I have had is 69 total from April to June of this year. Any and all advice welcome.....

LEH22
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Old 09-17-2012, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by leh22 View Post
HI,
I've been trying to get sober since 2006. Been thru 3 outpatient programs and would really like to do a 30 day inpatient program but money and logistics just won't allow it. I got all the right meds from my doc today to quit: antabuse, naltrexone and a few xanax to get through the withdrawals - mainly anxiety for me. But, then I got home, fixed dinner, heard the kids arguing and opened a bottle of wine. Crap.

I know i am an alcoholic, but I want to still believe I can occassionally drink on trips or at celebratory moments. Does that mean I haven;t really accepted that I am alcoholic.? Been to AA, got a sponsor but just don't keep with it. I am afraid it will take a DUI or other stupid incident to make me stop and I really don't want that.

I guess I am really suprised at how hard this is and how much harder quitting is getting. The most days sober I have had is 69 total from April to June of this year. Any and all advice welcome.....

LEH22
welcome to the site!
if you have been to AA then i assume you have the big book? has your sponsor taken you through it? what i read from you is mentioned in the chapter" more about alcoholism."
i had admitted i was an alcoholic long before i got into AA, but i just couldnt figger out why i couldnt stop drinking. it was because i dodnt know what it meant to be an alcoholic. the big book taught me what it meant, and i fit the bill.

the 1st step isnt about admitting or accepting we are alcoholics. it is admitting we are powerless over alcohol.
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Old 09-17-2012, 03:58 PM
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but first ya gotta want to stop drinking.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:05 PM
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for me...the AA Steps were the keys for quitting and staying that way.

There are members here who do not follow AA...they will be along
to share with you what they are doing to improve their lives.

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum ..
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:23 PM
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Nothing will stop you from drinking unless you want to stop. All the outside help in the world won't do a darn thing unless you are willing to put forth real effort to quit.

The fact that you are posting shows that a part of you does want to quit. Keep listening to that part of you. That is the real you. That is the you that knows what you are doing is wrong. The part that knows it could be a better parent/citizen/employee etc if only you quit the booze.

It is possible to stop drinking, but you have to want sobriety more than you want the drink.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:23 PM
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Thanks, I have wondered about being an alcoholic and what it really means. It means to me that I cannot drink alcohol safely. That I cannot have just one drink nor do I want just one. But, I somehow have this fantasy that in time I can drink again and it will be ok. Stupid question, but does that mean I have not accepted being an alcoholic?

LEH22
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:24 PM
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Originally Posted by leh22 View Post
I know i am an alcoholic, but I want to still believe I can occassionally drink on trips or at celebratory moments. Does that mean I haven;t really accepted that I am alcoholic.?
I don't think you have to accept you are an alcoholic to quit. I think you do have to accept you can never drink again.

Anything short of never is delusion.

Welcome, and good luck.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
I don't think you have to accept you are an alcoholic to quit. I think you do have to accept you can never drink again.

Anything short of never is delusion.

Welcome, and good luck.
^^this^^
I do not accept that I am an alcoholic. I don't label myself one, BUT I have accepted that I can NEVER drink again. This works for me.
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:25 PM
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It's hard to admit, honestly. For me, the proof is in the pudding. I mean, you get to a point where you can't mess up anymore and live happily. Alcohol masks things I don't want to deal with, so I drink. The unmanageable part is that when I do something stupid BECAUSE of alcohol, I drink more to cover the shame of whatever I did. That's a problem.

Don't get me wrong, I can stop after I start a lot of the time. Drinking until I pass out isn't every time. The point is those things happen AT ALL. It shows the alcohol is controlling me, not the other way around.
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Red79 View Post
It's hard to admit, honestly. For me, the proof is in the pudding. I mean, you get to a point where you can't mess up anymore and live happily. Alcohol masks things I don't want to deal with, so I drink. The unmanageable part is that when I do something stupid BECAUSE of alcohol, I drink more to cover the shame of whatever I did. That's a problem.

Don't get me wrong, I can stop after I start a lot of the time. Drinking until I pass out isn't every time. The point is those things happen AT ALL. It shows the alcohol is controlling me, not the other way around.
So how are you going to take back control of your life?
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:32 PM
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I knew I was an alcoholic most of my life. I also wanted to stop every morning,until the afternoon when I started changing my mind.
Thats just when the addiction kicked in. About 5 oclock I only had one thing on my mind. And there were no 2 ways about it. When I quit I was drinking about 8 beers in 45 minutes before I "slowed down". I guess thats what it took to calm my addiction. But thats also what it took for me before I realized just what a slave I was. Thats around a beer every 6 minutes
Rock bottoms made me stop for a few brief periods. But not for long. When I finally stopped I think I was just so fed up with it I had had enough.
Don't get me wrong,it was VERY difficult. But as I have said many times. I think I finally wanted to quit more than I wanted to drink.
But I can't describe the feeling of freedom to get away from that life.
Fred
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:33 PM
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Originally Posted by aeo1313 View Post
So how are you going to take back control of your life?
well, looks like I need to quit, yeah?
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:40 PM
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Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better......


....We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.....
For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish....

read more in the big book
...
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Red79 View Post
well, looks like I need to quit, yeah?
Being here is a great start! Glad you found us!
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by aeo1313 View Post
Being here is a great start! Glad you found us!
I am, too!! This is great and I know how much it's going to help me. This has been a long time coming; it's just making the decision to grit my teeth and do it.
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:26 PM
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Well, as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working for you?"
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:41 PM
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U know u might be right I can't seem to let the idea of having a couple sometimes go.im a pretty heavy drinker but maybe just saying it isn't quite admitting it

Thnx man
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Old 09-17-2012, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by leh22 View Post
But, I somehow have this fantasy that in time I can drink again and it will be ok.
If you are an alcoholic, time will never fix anything. Alcoholism is a progressive illness 100% of the time. It always gets worse if you continue to drink. Taking a month off, a year off or even a decade off of drinking will not help the situation if you go back to drinking.
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:26 PM
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Oh I believe that you have accepted that you are an alcoholic, but you have NOT
ACCEPTED that you cannot drink again.

I was where you are once or twice, but I kept going until I wanted sobriety. I
lost it all. My kids were being raised by my parents, my husband was gone,
my friends were gone, my family shut the door on me and went NO CONTACT.

Here is my story, you might want to read it to see where you are headed. Not
very pretty, for someone that grew up in and lived in the Upper Middle Class.
My story is where alcohol is going to take you and you may not get the SECOND
CHANCE that I did.

So it is all on you to decide whether you WANT sobriety and WHEN you want
it.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:28 PM
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Originally Posted by aeo1313 View Post
Nothing will stop you from drinking unless you want to stop. All the outside help in the world won't do a darn thing unless you are willing to put forth real effort to quit.

The fact that you are posting shows that a part of you does want to quit. Keep listening to that part of you. That is the real you. That is the you that knows what you are doing is wrong. The part that knows it could be a better parent/citizen/employee etc if only you quit the booze.

It is possible to stop drinking, but you have to want sobriety more than you want the drink.
I am fully agreed with this statement "Nothing will stop you from drinking unless you want to stop". A person can play double roll with the others, but not with himself. So nothing will stop you to drink unless you want to stop and this can be done only one thing that is willpower. Willpower is your command on your own soul.
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