and what I will do to escape the overall emptyness which alcohol fills up
One of the biggest corners I had to turn in my Recovery was the brutal realization that Alcohol was CAUSING much of my problems and making them worse, not releiving them. If I was Depressed, I drank to releive the Depression. This caused the Depression to get worse. Therefore I had to drink more to releive it. If I was Lonely and drank to releive it, I didn't want to be around anybody and nobody wanted to be around me. This only caused more Lonliness and more drinking to releive it. Get the Catch 22 here? The difficulty here is getting enough willpower, clarity, and determination to overcome your own lying, nagging, and cunning Alcoholic Brain to realize and act on what you already know to be true. For that you may (and will probably) need help. You shouldn't feel any Stigma or Embarassment in reaching out for help any more than you would if you went to a Doctor to get a Cancer Tumor Removed.