Downward Spiral
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 16
That is good 54 days now sober you have got yourself well on the road and It must feel good Slits to not wake up every day feeling crummy and counting it down till u have to start it all over again. How long were you drinking if you don't mind me asking
Age 18 to 49 (present). Periods of Sobriety interspersed. I quit for 6 1/2 Years when my Daughter was born in '91. Could have saved myself untold Suffering and Heartache if I would have stayed that way. Learned the Hard Way. Nobody can tell you where your "Rock Bottom" is. You find it yourself. I called mine "The Devil's Triangle". It is the Triangle path between my Nightstand with a Bottle of Liquor on it, the Bathroom, and my Bed where I would stay passed out 24/7, sometimes for Weeks on end. That would pretty much be my entire existence until I couldn't stand it anymore.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
So glad you are here, Geoff. I just want to assure you that you can get better and that a group like this can be of tremendous help. We are here for you and we are pulling for you, man.
Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.
Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 16
It has always been the same I can't help it that I feel this way. I have no reason for living, nothing brings me happiness. I live in a constant cycle of anxiety, fear and I don't see this getting any better. If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you
I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT x
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 16
It feels good to talk about it especially to people that understand.
I have no reason for living, nothing brings me happiness. I live in a constant cycle of anxiety, fear and I don't see this getting any better. If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 16
Yes, by going to see your doctors!
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you
I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT x
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you
I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You are suffering from a disease.
You deserve help and are very worthy of help.
There are thousands, maybe millions of us like you in terms of being shy, not wanting to bother people.
Look at Zee - a year sober!!
Zee correct me if I am wrong, but did you not drink right up to when the ambulence came to get you?
I'm over seven months.
It was hard at first, but now it's almost second nature.
I used to get horrific anxiety and depression but booze made it 1000 times worse.
I used to hate opening my eyes in the morning.
Hated that coming too and thinking god what did I do, how much did I drink? Feeling a mental and physical wreck all day then soon as it was 7.30pm starting again. Earlier if I felt really, really bad. In fact I think I could put up with the bad head, bad tummy and constant tiredness. What it did to my confidence, self esteem, mental health I could not. I hated myself.
I felt like you many a time - only one way to end it.
But I have a child. I have friends. I have parents. I have a grandma. I have people who care, even though I did not feel like it at the time.
I can't say life is a complete bowl of cherries, but flipping heck, it is so nice not living with that constant fear and uneasiness.
If you went to AA, you don't have to talk, you can just listen. Everyone that is there is there for the same thing - we are all drunks!!!
A few words to your doctor...you don't need to read out your life story. Maybe start and finish with 'I drink too much and it makes me sad'.
Look how brave you have been coming here...you found us! I think that is a blessing.
Any plans forming in your head?
xxxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 16
It is a blessing I have never talked to anyone else about this disease. To me it is routine and i can not think about breaking from the routine. I embraced this disease a long time ago and I am afraid to let it go now, funny how things change. Not so long ago I lived for the weekend to have a few beers and a few drinks wow that I would give anything to go back and change. I think what is going round in my head now is how do i go to my doctor (who just happens to be a guy i went to school with) and what I will do to escape the overall emptyness which alcohol fills up
Wow, reading this thread really brings back memories. Some of the stuff Slits wrote I could have written. I was drinking about a half gallon of vodka a day and eating valium like skittles . I was more dead than alive and had to be carried out of the house, couldn't even stand up at that point.
For me the fear and anxiety of getting help was so much greater than that of drinking myself to death. Unless you've been there it's really hard to understand that degree of anxiety. It's like being trapped in a tight little box, too depressed full of fear and anxiety to get help on the one hand and too sick to carry on with the drinking on the other.
I finally surrendered and called 911. Believe me, hospitals know how to deal with this kind of thing, they do it all the time. Geoffduke, with the length of time and amounts you've been drinking your best option is a hospital setting. I've been thru some home detoxes that were 9 kinds of hell and would never advise someone do it alone. Complicated with the severe anxiety and depression that goes along with that type of drinking it's just too risky.
Make the calls yourself or have someone else do it. My last drink was a little over 4 years ago and I've never looked back. The first year was a little rough but the anxiety and depression faded to nothing and life took on a whole new meaning. It can be done, just screw the anxiety and get some help. All of this can become dusty pages in the history books but you have to take some steps to make it happen. I wish you all the best going forward.
For me the fear and anxiety of getting help was so much greater than that of drinking myself to death. Unless you've been there it's really hard to understand that degree of anxiety. It's like being trapped in a tight little box, too depressed full of fear and anxiety to get help on the one hand and too sick to carry on with the drinking on the other.
I finally surrendered and called 911. Believe me, hospitals know how to deal with this kind of thing, they do it all the time. Geoffduke, with the length of time and amounts you've been drinking your best option is a hospital setting. I've been thru some home detoxes that were 9 kinds of hell and would never advise someone do it alone. Complicated with the severe anxiety and depression that goes along with that type of drinking it's just too risky.
Make the calls yourself or have someone else do it. My last drink was a little over 4 years ago and I've never looked back. The first year was a little rough but the anxiety and depression faded to nothing and life took on a whole new meaning. It can be done, just screw the anxiety and get some help. All of this can become dusty pages in the history books but you have to take some steps to make it happen. I wish you all the best going forward.
You might be surprised to find that much, if not all of the Depression, Anxiety, Paranoia, Panic Attacks, as well as the Nausea and Vomiting Blood tends to Evaporate after some Time and Distance from your last Drink. The Suicidal stuff is so unnecessary. It's not that anyone wants to die (especially that horrible way). It's just that they can't bear go on living with the misery of Alcohol anymore. Change the way you are living is not always easy, but it is always better.
and what I will do to escape the overall emptyness which alcohol fills up
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