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Old 09-16-2012, 01:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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That is good 54 days now sober you have got yourself well on the road and It must feel good Slits to not wake up every day feeling crummy and counting it down till u have to start it all over again. How long were you drinking if you don't mind me asking
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:15 PM
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Age 18 to 49 (present). Periods of Sobriety interspersed. I quit for 6 1/2 Years when my Daughter was born in '91. Could have saved myself untold Suffering and Heartache if I would have stayed that way. Learned the Hard Way. Nobody can tell you where your "Rock Bottom" is. You find it yourself. I called mine "The Devil's Triangle". It is the Triangle path between my Nightstand with a Bottle of Liquor on it, the Bathroom, and my Bed where I would stay passed out 24/7, sometimes for Weeks on end. That would pretty much be my entire existence until I couldn't stand it anymore.
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:41 PM
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I know what you mean The Devils Triangle exists here too, it is a lonely place and a cold place for comfort.
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by geoffduke View Post
That sounds lovely not having alcohol ruling your life and being able to do normal things, maybe it will happen. Thank you Sasha I suppose it takes you to reach rock bottom to start looking up
Geoff this is how I envisage YOUR life.....
It's yours for the taking xxxx
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:49 PM
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So glad you are here, Geoff. I just want to assure you that you can get better and that a group like this can be of tremendous help. We are here for you and we are pulling for you, man.

Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.

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Old 09-16-2012, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Sasha4 View Post
Geoff this is how I envisage YOUR life.....
It's yours for the taking xxxx
It has always been the same I can't help it that I feel this way. I have no reason for living, nothing brings me happiness. I live in a constant cycle of anxiety, fear and I don't see this getting any better. If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:06 PM
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I know what you mean The Devils Triangle exists here too, it is a lonely place and a cold place for comfort.
I chose to be there and I chose to leave.
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by geoffduke View Post
If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.
Yes, by going to see your doctors!
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you

I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT x
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by F355 View Post
So glad you are here, Geoff. I just want to assure you that you can get better and that a group like this can be of tremendous help. We are here for you and we are pulling for you, man.

Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.

It feels good to talk about it especially to people that understand.
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:12 PM
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I have no reason for living, nothing brings me happiness. I live in a constant cycle of anxiety, fear and I don't see this getting any better. If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.
....come Marvel at your own Alcoholic Brain as it actively Lies to you.
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Zee View Post
Yes, by going to see your doctors!
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you

I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT x
My problem is I am very shy and not forthcoming kinda person so when it comes to talking about things that are wrong with me I stop. I had a broken toe last year and I didnt go to the hospital as I didnt want to bother them. That is how I think
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Slits View Post
....come Marvel at your own Alcoholic Brain as it actively Lies to you.
I know Slits its overcoming it
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by geoffduke View Post
My problem is I am very shy and not forthcoming kinda person so when it comes to talking about things that are wrong with me I stop. I had a broken toe last year and I didnt go to the hospital as I didnt want to bother them. That is how I think
Geoff you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You are suffering from a disease.
You deserve help and are very worthy of help.

There are thousands, maybe millions of us like you in terms of being shy, not wanting to bother people.


Look at Zee - a year sober!!
Zee correct me if I am wrong, but did you not drink right up to when the ambulence came to get you?

I'm over seven months.
It was hard at first, but now it's almost second nature.

I used to get horrific anxiety and depression but booze made it 1000 times worse.
I used to hate opening my eyes in the morning.
Hated that coming too and thinking god what did I do, how much did I drink? Feeling a mental and physical wreck all day then soon as it was 7.30pm starting again. Earlier if I felt really, really bad. In fact I think I could put up with the bad head, bad tummy and constant tiredness. What it did to my confidence, self esteem, mental health I could not. I hated myself.

I felt like you many a time - only one way to end it.
But I have a child. I have friends. I have parents. I have a grandma. I have people who care, even though I did not feel like it at the time.

I can't say life is a complete bowl of cherries, but flipping heck, it is so nice not living with that constant fear and uneasiness.

If you went to AA, you don't have to talk, you can just listen. Everyone that is there is there for the same thing - we are all drunks!!!

A few words to your doctor...you don't need to read out your life story. Maybe start and finish with 'I drink too much and it makes me sad'.

Look how brave you have been coming here...you found us! I think that is a blessing.

Any plans forming in your head?

xxxx
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Old 09-16-2012, 03:31 PM
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It is a blessing I have never talked to anyone else about this disease. To me it is routine and i can not think about breaking from the routine. I embraced this disease a long time ago and I am afraid to let it go now, funny how things change. Not so long ago I lived for the weekend to have a few beers and a few drinks wow that I would give anything to go back and change. I think what is going round in my head now is how do i go to my doctor (who just happens to be a guy i went to school with) and what I will do to escape the overall emptyness which alcohol fills up
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Old 09-16-2012, 03:57 PM
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Wow, reading this thread really brings back memories. Some of the stuff Slits wrote I could have written. I was drinking about a half gallon of vodka a day and eating valium like skittles . I was more dead than alive and had to be carried out of the house, couldn't even stand up at that point.

For me the fear and anxiety of getting help was so much greater than that of drinking myself to death. Unless you've been there it's really hard to understand that degree of anxiety. It's like being trapped in a tight little box, too depressed full of fear and anxiety to get help on the one hand and too sick to carry on with the drinking on the other.

I finally surrendered and called 911. Believe me, hospitals know how to deal with this kind of thing, they do it all the time. Geoffduke, with the length of time and amounts you've been drinking your best option is a hospital setting. I've been thru some home detoxes that were 9 kinds of hell and would never advise someone do it alone. Complicated with the severe anxiety and depression that goes along with that type of drinking it's just too risky.

Make the calls yourself or have someone else do it. My last drink was a little over 4 years ago and I've never looked back. The first year was a little rough but the anxiety and depression faded to nothing and life took on a whole new meaning. It can be done, just screw the anxiety and get some help. All of this can become dusty pages in the history books but you have to take some steps to make it happen. I wish you all the best going forward.
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Slits View Post
You might be surprised to find that much, if not all of the Depression, Anxiety, Paranoia, Panic Attacks, as well as the Nausea and Vomiting Blood tends to Evaporate after some Time and Distance from your last Drink. The Suicidal stuff is so unnecessary. It's not that anyone wants to die (especially that horrible way). It's just that they can't bear go on living with the misery of Alcohol anymore. Change the way you are living is not always easy, but it is always better.
My depression and anxiety definitely let up quite a bit when I quit the drinking. So thankful for that. The anxiety I was having the last six months of my life was outrageous. So terrible to feel like that.
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Old 09-16-2012, 05:44 PM
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and what I will do to escape the overall emptyness which alcohol fills up
One of the biggest corners I had to turn in my Recovery was the brutal realization that Alcohol was CAUSING much of my problems and making them worse, not releiving them. If I was Depressed, I drank to releive the Depression. This caused the Depression to get worse. Therefore I had to drink more to releive it. If I was Lonely and drank to releive it, I didn't want to be around anybody and nobody wanted to be around me. This only caused more Lonliness and more drinking to releive it. Get the Catch 22 here? The difficulty here is getting enough willpower, clarity, and determination to overcome your own lying, nagging, and cunning Alcoholic Brain to realize and act on what you already know to be true. For that you may (and will probably) need help. You shouldn't feel any Stigma or Embarassment in reaching out for help any more than you would if you went to a Doctor to get a Cancer Tumor Removed.
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