Crystal, I know how heatbreaking it is to give up those dreams, and you will grieve for them. Allow yourself to be sad for them -you will dream again, believe me.
I don't know anything about crystal meth only cocaine and alcohol, mostly. I
do know how it feels to be abused and the shame i felt allowing those thing to carry on while I was bringing up my son. I know how sick
I became over the years. I can only describe it as being sucked into a whirlwind of confusion, numbing fear and helplessness.
Even if he goes into treatment, even if he get's well, it's so important to keep focusing on you and keeping you sane. My partner is 3.5 years clean and I still trip myself up, forgetting myself and being tossed around by his behaviour - recovery is no magic wand, apparently
!
Sending you such a big hug, take extra special care of you at the moment, be super kind to yourself - you've been thu the mill and you need
rest, especially if you need to make life changing decisions about the baby.