Itchy and Jimuk, thank you so much! Makes me feel so welcome and not alone!
I have to say...the other day I was reading under the "Friends and Family of" forum and wow, did it make me so sad and discouraged. The thread I was reading was nothing but people saying how they would never get romantically involved with an alcoholic, recovered or otherwise. It made me feel like I will be alone forever. Believe me, I know how much being involved with an alcoholic sucks the life outta someone, on many levels...my mother was one, I've dated one, and I am one; but damn, to be "blacklisted" for life as "undateable/loveable"...it was a blow to the psyche. I know that some will take a chance; I've seen a recovered friend find love with a non-alcoholic, but really how often is someone going to take that chance...not a lot I fear. It just made me feel hopeless.
Anyway, couple that with the awful day I had facing the music for my actions...(I'll share more on this later...just not ready yet)...well, that's what lead to me drinking. I knew it wouldn't solve anything of course, but honestly I just wanted to numb myself.
In any event, I have to stop doing that cause the misery is just there waiting when the blackout is over. And from what I've been reading, I'm lucky to be alive with the amounts I drink in one sitting. So...day 2 today, although it feels like day 1 since I slept all of yesterday away.
Oh and someone had asked about what books I ordered the other day. I got "under the influence" and "Lit", a memoir. I tried starting Under the Influence last night, but couldn't concentrate. Plan to dig in to them today...
Thanks for being here, my friends! It's so nice to feel not alone on some level...even if it's only over the wires
