Originally Posted by
LifeRecovery 
Owatha-
I caution gentleness when we are having hard feelings toward ourselves, but sometimes we are so used to the hard that we question the good feelings.
Be open to whatever is there, while it is there and the path you are on. The rest will take care of itself.
If the feelings change and become stronger...they will, if not that is okay too.
I got myself into more trouble by being surprised by the emotions then the actual feelings I had.
I am not 100% sure about your question, but I will give it a try. Please let me know if I did not answer it.
My thoughts and feelings toward myself were so harsh for so long that I did not feel like I "deserved" to feel good. As a result when I did feel good I thought there was something wrong! In addition if I felt something I did not think I should be feeling I would berate myself for a long time.
I have not always felt good in the two years that I have been split up, but I did have some relief that has stayed with me the whole time. That feeling of relief caught me off guard because it surprised me.
I spent awhile feeling really bad for him and his new girlfriend...so worried about them that I did not pay attention to me....it took a long time for some other emotions to come it. I was surprised that I was not angry right away, and at times struggled to not fit my feelings "into" a box.
In the last few weeks I have realized how bad it could have gotten for me (he was functional during our relationship), I did not think he abused me, but I am coming to realize that he did not get physical with me....that does not cover the emotional stuff and some verbal interactions that happened.
I have been emotional about it, but again surprised that I am feelings such utter appreciation for being out of a situation that could have been awful.
I am feeling what is there for the first time instead of what I think is "should" be feeling. It is much more authentic and real, but sometimes I surprise myself. As long as I am gentle with myself though it works out. I only create more problems if I am harsh with myself.