Hello RN:
I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".
See if those documents pertain to you.
I went to my first AA meeting in 1989 and it has become a way of life for me and a life saver. I had to accept AA, AA didn't have to conform to my thinking (Thank God).
I wish you the best.
Bob R