Welcome, Chick. Glad you found a place to learn about addictions. This place, along with Al-Anon, saved my sanity.
I got hooked much later in the relationship...by the time I really had a clue what was happening, I was living with him and engaged to be married in short order. I proceeded on, with massive red flags waiving in front of my face. And went full bore into the very codie behaviors you describe.
We are now divorced, and I work diligently each day to move on from the relationship. Most days I am doing great. But the occasional bad day does pop up, and it seems to coincide with moments where I, like you, feel vulnerable for some reason. Had a bad day at work, not feeling well, kids/family/job overwhelming me...you know...all the usual triggers. Only now I am so much more aware and can check myself before I go completely off the codie wagon.
Keep coming back, it really does help!
~T