Hi All...
I've been lurking for a couple of months now, when needed. I am grateful that this site exists because up until now, I've have no experience dealing up close and personal with an alcoholic. I've known people who other people said were alcoholics, I've known people who drink or drugged too much on occasion, but I've never been in any kind of "relationship" with an A.
So...speaking of "relationships"... the A to whom I'm attached is technically only a friend. More honestly, we are friends with benefits (FWB). I suppose the acronym would be AFWB (perhaps it could be added to the acronyms stickie
Kidding of course.
My Short Story...
About me:
I'm in my mid forties, single, never married, no kids, happy in my career and relatively successful in that regard. I have good friends and am close with my family. My last major relationship ended in 2005 and although I've dated since then, I've not found anyone I wish to continue with. When I met my AFWB about a year ago, I was living in an apartment that I had lived in for 10 yrs in a neighbourhood I loved. Rent was cheap, I was happy. I wasn't even close to lonely.
In April of this year I took the plunge and bought an awesome condo. The only downside is that since I couldn't afford to purchase a house in my beloved neighbourhood by myself, I'm now about a 45 min walk, or 5 minute drive from there. I know it doesn't sound like much, and I do love my new digs, but almost five months in, I do feel a little isolated in my new neighbourhood.
I met AFWB about a year ago. I met him through other neighbours and my initial take of him was that while he may be handsome, he was clearly drunk, so I dismissed him out of hand. He then went out of his way to introduce himself to me while sober (?) and we became buddies. We bonded over music...I (try to) play guitar and it turns out he has a remarkable ability to hear a tune and play it while I on the other hand need to go find the chords and go from there. We had a ton of fun for a while which included, well, you know...benefits. Even still, I kept him at an arms length always...I never had any illusions that what was going on was a bonafide relationship and never wanted anything more that "what was."
He confided in me that he was an alcoholic early on. I had no experience with A's. I really thought he was making it up and if he just focused on turning his life around he could do it, and/or maybe he just needed some counselling to get it together. He went to rehab for 3 weeks in October 2011. I was prepared to support his sobriety as a friend. He began drinking again shortly after rehab, and I noticed that it seemed to be 'worse' in the sense that he seemed to drink more and be more out of control when he did drink.
Still, I only saw him when it was convenient for me and since he lived across the street, I didn't see the entirety of his alcoholism. For a long time I really had no idea how bad it was.
And then I moved. I thought that what was would die a natural death as it was no longer convenient for him or me. I was now a drive or fairly long walk away. Not so. He was extraordinarily helpful with my move and assisted in all kinds of ways with all kinds of things that I needed to get done. At the same time, I noticed a marked increase in his drinking and drunken behaviour.
After the move, that's when something changed for me...Yikes! I started to care more about him and what I now recognize (thanks to you all) as codie behaviour started kicking in. I was and still am feeling a little out of sorts and missing my neighbourhood. I am feeling vulnerable and a little lonely for the first time in a long long time. I started to miss his company in a way I never did before. I started to accept behaviour that I wouldn't have before I moved. I started to get caught up in his drama. Short story...I got hooked on an addict.
Of course I've left out all the gory details here...and there are lots of them. The above is the short story and my current take on how I got to search out and start posting on a forum for friends and families of A's. I've done a fair bit of reading here, bought a couple of Melodie's books and spent some quality time with myself trying to figure out how I got here and how to get myself out. I think I've made progress. Nonetheless, y'all, more than most folks know how tough it is to care about an A. It friggin sucks!
I'll leave it at that for now...but thanks so much for being here...it's made a huge difference for me. You guys rock.
good roads,
Chick
AFWB was my neighbour until April of this year.