Hi Blue - welcome
I'm really sorry for all that's happened. Some of us, me included, can really do a great job of crashing and burning.
I know it's hard, but what's done is done. We can't undo it...what we can do is make sure we never put ourselves in that situation again.
You'll find a lot of support here tho
We can turn it around - we can change our lives and we can move on to better things.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the
Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like SMART or AVRT (Rational Recovery)
D