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Hit my boyfriend.

Old 09-10-2012, 10:21 AM
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Unhappy Hit my boyfriend.

I always thought about stopping drinkig, especially most recently after i would be argumentative and mean to my boyfriend, who I love dearly. He said he always knew I was a mean drunk, I had no idea it was that bad. Two nights ago I went out, was completely obliterated, and them started an argument and hit him while we were in bed and I was on top off him. Because of my drinking, I have now lost someone I imagined a life with, marriage, kids, everything. I have spoke to my sister, who said I need to not drink at all, she doesnt drink because at one point she hit her ex (he also had a problem) and slit her wrists. She is now very happily married, successful and doesnt drink. My Dad was a alcoholic when my sister was a baby too. Our Mom stayed with him and he hasnt drank since, they have been marries 34 years and he is an amazing man.
My boyfriend has broken up with me. I have told him I am not drinking anymore whether or not we stay together and am making big changes, and I want him to believe in me and see what I really am and can be. He is done, understandably so. Usually after a break up I would go out and drink with friends, not happening. I was so ashamed to look at him and confess I have a problem. How do I become so horrible when I drink? Sober I am not hat at all, in fact he would say how much he loves my good heart. I fee the lowest of low, how could I hit him? And losing him is killing me. I hurt someone I love because of drinking. I wish he would stay and support me, I would work to get trust back. I have never felt like this. Havent ate since Saturday, night, feel so lost and broken.
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:22 AM
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I dont know how I put that " you rock" sign there. I certainly do not feel that way.
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:57 AM
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Welcome to SR. Sorry for the situation that brings you here, but rarely do people quit drinking when it isn't causing them grief.

Originally Posted by Blue29 View Post
I have told him I am not drinking anymore whether or not we stay together and am making big changes, and I want him to believe in me and see what I really am and can be.
Work your recovery, for youself. Get sober, stay sober, and let your actions speak for you.

Maybe it won't help for the current boyfriend. It sure will help for the next.
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:57 AM
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Blue, I can only speak for myself, but I know I had to hit a bottom before I could even consider staying sober. Maybe this is yours. I hope so. I hurt everyone one way or another when I was drinking and a few times I was physically abusive to others. You've got a resource there in your dad...have you considered talking to him about your drinking problem? He might have some insight that you can use. Regardless, keep coming back here and posting. SR is a great place to find support. Wish you the best.

--Fenris.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:05 AM
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Hi blue29, Welcome to sr, you came to the right place. I want you to know your not alone, i was in a similar situation about 7 weeks ago. The only thing different is i didnt hit my girlfriend but the things i said and texted her when i was drinking had the same effect if not worse. I started a thread on sr about the same subject and got some great advice and amazing support. I havent had a drink since the first day i started reading the stories here. You cant take back what has been done, but you can make sure it never happens again by quit drinking for good. You need to take care of youself first. In my case i quit drinking for almost 6 weeks the last time i messed up with my girl just to get her back, and it worked. I dont know why but right after she gave me another chance i started drinking again. The mean me not only came back but i got worse, she dropped me like a hot potatoe.. This time i quit for me, and that is the only way i can stay quit. I guess what im sayin is if you really want to stay quit you cant do it for anyone else or it wont last. What ever is meant to be will be as far as you and your boyfriend. My girlfriend has let me back in her life and things are getting better, but she is keeping me at arms length. I dont know about you, but i know i got what i was asking for. I know ive lost the most important thing you can have in a relationship.... trust. There are only two things that can get that back, time, and honesty. Good luck to you we are all here for you..
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:08 AM
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If you haven't lost absolutely everything you value in life... keep drinking... you most certainly will.

Sorry to hear about your situation. It describes what has happened to most of us. Some of us were mean drunks, some sloppy drunks, some high functioning drunks, and so on, but the common thread that links us all together is the fact that we're drunks.

I suggest AA, mostly because I know it worked for me. There's also AVRT and SMART and a few others.These weren't around when I got sober so I know next to nothing abou them. Others here do. Whatever you choose though, commit to it. Do whatever the program tells you to do. It won't be easy, but I've found that nothing in life that's worth having IS easy

Keep in touch here at SR. There's a whole huge lot of individuals that can help.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:10 AM
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I have considered talking to my Dad. I just feel that he would blame himself and feel horrible. Maybe a little down the road I will tell him. Ive been talking to friends and my sister, they were shocked to hear I get like this when I drink, they see me happy and having a good time. Its when I would get home to my bf that any negative emotions would come pouring out. I cant believe I actually hit him, I dont want to eat, cant sleep. Sounds dramatic, but I just hate myself right now.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:11 AM
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I also treated my husband terribly when I was drunk and lashed out at him a few times. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I understand how you're feeling, but it's time to forget what you've done to your boyfriend for now. Feeling guilty and being negative towards ourselves really don't help when we're trying to get sober. It's time to believe in yourself, feel good about yourself and commit to being sober, if that is what you want. Wanting it and believing that you can do it are key in giving up alcohol.

Welcome to SR. You'll find this to be a fantastic place, full of support and encouragement.

All the best to you.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:22 AM
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MrsKing, how did u get over the guilt. I feel like i have hit bottom and dont know where to go. He as my family here, my sister and parents live far away. I am so ashamed and disgusted by what I have done.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:27 AM
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I know I can give up alcohol. There are times when I have a beer at an event and then wonder why I een had it and wish I didnt. I havent had cravings before, but when I drink I go from buzzed to obliterated. If I just dont drink, I wont get that way. I am done with alcohol.
Is there a program you reccomend for someone like me? Which would be best? Ive heard people mention SMART and AVRT, I havent heard of those.
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:28 AM
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Hi Blue. Good for you on deciding to quit. There is nothing you can do to change the past but your actions now can affect your future.
Stay strong
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Old 09-10-2012, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Blue29 View Post
MrsKing, how did u get over the guilt. I feel like i have hit bottom and dont know where to go. He as my family here, my sister and parents live far away. I am so ashamed and disgusted by what I have done.
I got over the guilt by promising to never do it again and by staying sober. The best thing to do is to not focus on the guilt. Guilt is not productive. Do something that will make you feel proud of yourself, good about yourself. Being sober has been the key in me 'forgiving' myself - I know that I am no longer that person I used to be, and so I can move on.

I use AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique), which has taught me to recognise what are addictive thoughts and what are rational thoughts... it reminds us that we have the power, not our addiction, and when cravings or urges hit, it is not our true wants or desires but that of our addiction, and that we do not have to act upon those thoughts. We are in control of our limbs and can choose whether or not we put alcohol in our bodies.

Read around and see what method fits for you.

The most important thing in any method is that you want to be sober and that you are willing to do everything you can to stay sober.

Wishing you the best.
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Old 09-10-2012, 12:11 PM
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Welcome Blue -

I'm really glad you're here - you need lots of support right now, just like we all do. I don't think anyone knows why or how we can change so drastically when we drink. Personally, I think we lash out at others because of our own pain and unhappiness. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions to the point where we react without thinking (rather like two-year-olds do).

I think it's a wonderful idea to talk to your dad, maybe in your own time. Anyway, welcome to the forum!
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Old 09-10-2012, 01:46 PM
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Welcome to the site!

I know when I was drinking I really damaged my relationship with my daughters. Now that I'm almost three years sober it's been mended and is better than before. It took time and my behavior to show them I was changing for the better. Telling them did no good, they had to see it. It took some effort on my part but it was worth it.
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Old 09-10-2012, 02:06 PM
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Thank you for your responses. I am looking into AVRT, and have located meetings. I just talked with my sister who told me she believes my parents and her have known i have had a problem when i drink. I never knew that. I am so ashamed people around me have seen this. She says I have probably already.broken my parents' hearts. They have never seen me drunk, but know I would go out. I hate that I hurt someone like this, i have no appetite and dont even want to move. In my job I take care of people and get compliments from patients and coworkers all the time. When I drink, I turn into something horrible. My boyfriend says he thinks people's true feelings come.out when they drink, he rarely drinks and when I have seen him drink he is happy, not.combative like me. I have tried, but I can't get him to understand alcohol effects some people really bad. All I can do is.just not drink, I.want to show him but he is done with me. I have never felt so low, this is all so surreal. At least I am now being honest with myself and friends.
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Old 09-10-2012, 02:44 PM
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Hi Blue - welcome

I'm really sorry for all that's happened. Some of us, me included, can really do a great job of crashing and burning.

I know it's hard, but what's done is done. We can't undo it...what we can do is make sure we never put ourselves in that situation again.

You'll find a lot of support here tho
We can turn it around - we can change our lives and we can move on to better things.

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like SMART or AVRT (Rational Recovery)

D
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Old 09-10-2012, 04:14 PM
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How is it that some of is become something horrible when we drink? All I can do now is control it, but I just wish I could understand and did something earlier.
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Old 09-10-2012, 04:26 PM
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Blue29:

I know how tough this is but this is also the moment when you get to say "no more"...the moment you can decide to make the future so much better than the past. You never, ever have to feel this way again.

Write here, read, and learn. Lots of us here once felt just as you do now but have moved on to better, healthier lives. We don't all follow the same path but we have the same goal.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:14 AM
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In my job I take care of people and get compliments from patients and coworkers all the time.
When I drink, I turn into something horrible.
The real you is the you in the first quote. That is who you are - you are obviously a caring person.

The good news is that you never have to be that second person again, but you can always be the first.

Hope you feel better soon, Blue.
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:31 AM
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You can be free. And I am routing for you..
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