Thank you for your responses. I am looking into AVRT, and have located meetings. I just talked with my sister who told me she believes my parents and her have known i have had a problem when i drink. I never knew that. I am so ashamed people around me have seen this. She says I have probably already.broken my parents' hearts. They have never seen me drunk, but know I would go out. I hate that I hurt someone like this, i have no appetite and dont even want to move. In my job I take care of people and get compliments from patients and coworkers all the time. When I drink, I turn into something horrible. My boyfriend says he thinks people's true feelings come.out when they drink, he rarely drinks and when I have seen him drink he is happy, not.combative like me. I have tried, but I can't get him to understand alcohol effects some people really bad. All I can do is.just not drink, I.want to show him but he is done with me. I have never felt so low, this is all so surreal. At least I am now being honest with myself and friends.