Hi blue29, Welcome to sr, you came to the right place. I want you to know your not alone, i was in a similar situation about 7 weeks ago. The only thing different is i didnt hit my girlfriend but the things i said and texted her when i was drinking had the same effect if not worse. I started a thread on sr about the same subject and got some great advice and amazing support. I havent had a drink since the first day i started reading the stories here. You cant take back what has been done, but you can make sure it never happens again by quit drinking for good. You need to take care of youself first. In my case i quit drinking for almost 6 weeks the last time i messed up with my girl just to get her back, and it worked. I dont know why but right after she gave me another chance i started drinking again. The mean me not only came back but i got worse, she dropped me like a hot potatoe.. This time i quit for me, and that is the only way i can stay quit. I guess what im sayin is if you really want to stay quit you cant do it for anyone else or it wont last. What ever is meant to be will be as far as you and your boyfriend. My girlfriend has let me back in her life and things are getting better, but she is keeping me at arms length. I dont know about you, but i know i got what i was asking for. I know ive lost the most important thing you can have in a relationship.... trust. There are only two things that can get that back, time, and honesty. Good luck to you we are all here for you..