FourTwentyOne

I am a Mom of three wonderfull kids and the wife of AH pothead. We were introdI am a Mom of three wonderful kids and the wife of AH pothead. We were introduced by non-using friends because we had like "hobbies". After we were married for a couple of years, we decided we wanted to start a family. We had many, many discussions about children, and what it meant to be responsible parents. We had friends who smoked pot in front of their children; we had friends who actually passed their infant son around the circle ahead of the joint so he wasn’t in the arms of someone who was smoking. That's healthy.

We decided and agreed (maybe I decided and agreed and didn't realize I was alone?) that we would not be that sort of parent. We would quit smoking pot and grow up, leave being kids to the children. When we discovered I was pregnant, I quit smoking pot (for good). He didn't. He agreed not to smoke before our child was in bed, to save it for the weekends etc.

I guess I chose to believe I was okay with our arrangement. I had to stop going over to our friend’s houses because they all smoked in their houses, and I wasn’t bringing my child into that. Soon though, our friends stopped coming to our house because I wouldn't let them smoke in our house or our garage anymore.

I was busy with our (now) two children and with my friends and their children. My AH was still coming out on weekends with us, and we were happy (weren't we?).

AH started spending more and more time away from the house. I started complaining that we never see him anymore, the kids barely know their father. Don't get me wrong here, he still spent a lot of time with us, but less than he used to. And more and more often the time he spends with us turns into a fight or an explosion of yelling.

After AH put a hole in the wall with his head, over what I can’t even remember now, I started calling for help. I thought he had an anger issue. By now he isn't spending any time at home at all, except to sleep. We had to sell our house because with three (now) kids in daycare and his habits we can't afford to stay. With all the stress I am losing my grip. On his way out the door to the baby's doctor's appointment I tell him to talk to the doctor about his anger issues or not to bother coming home to live with us.

He comes home with a script for SRI's for his "anger". Things are better - man I'M so glad I did that. He's no longer exploding at me for stupid things. We can go out in public without him yelling and cursing loudly in public over every little thing the kids do. I start to feel more relaxed.

Wait, things are sliding backwards. He's back to Mr. Grumpy. I send him back to the Dr. who doubles his meds. Things are good again. We move into our new house. So what if he has gotten a couple speeding tickets. Yes, he got caught with a joint at a ride check and that cost us a lot. ...but he won't do that again. Sure I have spent money on a lawyer for his mistakes - but things are better right?

The last few weeks have been pretty bad. He "lost" his meds and turned into a complete jerk. He has done nothing but explode at me, yell, leave the house in anger saying I am a b**** ad he has to spend all of his time out of the house because I won't stop. If I ask him to do something to help out he has to use the bathroom, needs a cigarette first, has a headache and needs to lie down. He can't get out of bed on weekends, and stays out at his buddies places until 2 in the morning. Our lives have completely stopped. I don’t have any friends left, the ones I had have stopped calling and coming around because all I can do is complain about him.

Although he is back on his meds, I think it is the drugs that are the reason he needs them. But he won't quit because "he's in constant pain". When I explain to him that medications prescribed by the doctor are covered by insurance and pot is not that has no effect. He just says that medication for pain just screws up his stomach. He needs to smoke pot.

We've just moved to a new town, my oldest has started in a new school, my children had settled into a new daycare. I am so stupid to have believed that things would be different when our money troubles were all done. Now I have a new mortgage, 3 kids who lives have been upside-down for over a year while we were selling our house and moving, no friends, no life, no way of getting around without AH since I can't drive and there is no public transportation.

Last weekend he said "I haven’t smoked anything in 3 days and I don't want to smoke anymore” Hallelujah! We're saved!

Friday he had a bag in his pocket and was right back to it again. So I guess he only quit until payday?

I don’t want to leave him; I don't want to kick him out. I don't want to be a single mother of 3. I don’t want him to be an addict. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I don't want to be humiliated and have to admit I made a mistake by marrying him. I don't want to be humiliated in public - grocery stores, restaurants etc. when he loses his cool and screams at me or the kids, curses and causes a scene. I don't want to move into the city so I can use public transportation - I don't like the city, I’ve lived there and I have no desire to raise children in the city - scares the heck out of me! I grew up in the country and that's where I want to be.

I'm scared - what if he never quits? I'm scared- what if I can't get my 5 year old to stop having bursts of anger and using the exact same phrases Daddy does? I'm scared - when I ask my 3 year old to pick up the toys I get "I need to poop" just like Daddy does when there's work to do. I'm scared - my 5 year old breaks the rules and when caught starts crying and insisting "I'm not lying! I'm not lying!!”

I’m fine – AH is good today. He’s in a good mood. He actually did a few things around the house. I’m fine – I can keep everything happy. I’m fine – I’ll just stop trying to get him to pitch in. I’m fine – I’M SUPERMOM and I can do it all it’s worth it because if I don’t push him he spends more time with us and then we’re a happy family.

I’mF.I.N.E.
(F***ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional)

uced by non-using friends because we had like "hobbies". After we were married for a coupld of years, we decided we wanted to start a family. We had many, many discussion about children, and what it meant to be responsible paretnts. We had friends who smoked pot in front of their children; we had friends who actually passed their infant son around the circle ahead of the joint so he wasn'T in the arms of someone who was smoking. That's healthy.

We decided and agreed (maybe I decided and agreed and didn't realize I was alone?) that we would not be that sort of parent. We would quit smoking pot and grow up, leave being kidsto the children. When we discovered I was pregnant, I quit smoking pot (for good). He didn't. He agreed not to smoke before our child was in bed, to save it for the weekends etc.

I guess I chose to believe I was okay with our arrangement. I had to stop going over to our firends houses because they all smoked in their houses, and I wasn'T bringing my child into that. Soon though, our friends stopped coming to our house because I wouldn't let them smoke in our house or our garage anymore.

I was busy with our (now) two children and with my friends and their children. My AH was still coming out on weekends with us, and we were happy (weren't we?).

AH started spending more and more time away frome the house. I started complaining that we never see him anymore, the kids barely know their fther. Don't get me wrong here, he still spent a lot of time with us, but less than he used to. And more and more often the time he spends with us turns into a fight or an explossion of yelling.

After AH put a hole in the wall with his head, over what I cn't even remember now, I started calling for help. I thought he had an anger issue. By now he isn't spending any time at home at all, except to sleep. We had to sell our house because with three (now) kids in daycare and his habbits we can't afford to stay. With all the stress I am losing my grip. On his way out the door to the baby's doctor's appointment I tel him to talk to the doctor about his anger issues or not to bother coming home to live with us.

He comes home with a scropt for SRI's for his "anger". Things are better - man I'M so glad I did that. He's no longer exploding at me for stupid things. We can go out in public without him yelling and curings loudly in public over every little thing the kids do. I start to feel more relaxed.

Wait, things are sliding backwards. He's back to Mr. Grumpy. I send him back to the Dr. who doubles his meds. Things are good again. We move into our new house. So what if he has gotten a couple speeding tickets. Yes, he got cuaght with a joint at a ride check and that cost us a lot. ...but he won't do that again. Sure I have spent money on a lawyer for his mistakes - but things arebetter right?

The last few weeks have been pretty bad. He "lost" his meds and turned into a complete jerk. He has done nothing but explode at me, yell, leave the house in anger saying I am a b**** ad he has to spend all of his time out of the house because I won't stop. If i ask him to do something to help out he has to use the bathroom, needs a cigarette first, has a headache and needs to lie down. He can't get out of bed on weekends, and stays out at his buddies places until 2 in the moring. Our lives have comletely stopped. I don'T have any friends left, the ones I had have stopped colling and coming around bcause all I can do is complain about him.